Death Wish

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian looked up from the couch where he had been laying for the last…well, he wasn’t sure how long. The spider in the corner had just about finished its web and his once freshly brewed tea was now ice cold.

“Huh?” He stopped staring at the ceiling and vacantly turned to look at his receptionist.

She had been very patient with him this last year, but her smile today was different. Sadder than usual. She couldn’t meet his eyes when she explained there was a patient requiring his services.

“Thanks, Velma. Are they ready?”

Velma nodded. “She’s positioned in The Room.”

Sebastian sighed and sat up, feeling much older than thirty-four. Another person was ready to die. He couldn’t say that he blamed them, but his services were needed, and he was the only one in this area of the world who had his abilities. He wasn’t allowed to take his own soul to the other side. He sniffed at his tea.

Cold.

Cold tea that was supposed to be hot instead of left alone for hours was depressing. Everything was depressing since she was no longer in his life. Her name flew to his lips, but he covered his mouth before it could escape and echo aloud the cry in his heart. He left the mug and wandered across the hall into a small, closet-sized entrance adjacent to The Room to prepare a vision. Usually, he could help his patients, especially if they were young. They came to him for one thing; they wanted to die. And, while his job was to transport their soul to eternity if they were beyond help, his other ability was the most impressive.

The Room where patients waited was completely bare of decoration of any sort. It was painted a bright white, void of all color in order to clear the mind. There was a single, austere table in the exact center, upon which they would await their spirit’s transference to the afterlife.

Sebastian knew exactly why each person was there as soon as he touched the door to The Room. Their hopelessness, their sorrow, their greatest desires and losses, all entered his mind the moment he turned the handle. It was then that he did his great works. He would enter The Room, changing the atmosphere inside, showing the patient what they truly wanted besides death. Sebastian could bring forth the realest scenes from his mind; so much so that the patient he treated believed they were truly in a different place.

For the hopeless, he showed them a glimpse of what their life could be, and the experiences they’d forgotten they wanted. The ones who were tired of life saw the joy in the little things they had grown too busy to notice or care about. Renewed passion for one, a chance to redo a final goodbye for another, a reminder of the beauty of life to a third. So real and so personal were Sebastian’s visions that he convinced even the most despondent of patients to give life another go. For the terminally ill, he gave the chance to travel to all the places they’d never been before he sent on their spirit.

Sebastian touched the door handle. To his utter surprise, he felt nothing. No last wish, no dream, not even a whisper of what this person might desire instead of death. He let go, then touched it again. This time, he felt a faint energy, though there was still no final request. The thought of not being able to read someone unnerved him, and he took a minute before opening the door.

It was her. She lay on the table, listless and dejected. Her skin no longer glowed from the sun’s gentle touch. Her cheeks were sunken and pale, eyes hollowed and dull. How different from the first time he’d met her, radiant and in love with life. She worked at the library. That’s how they’d met. That day, it was Sebastian who’d wanted to meet death, and she had brushed off his wish with one pearly smile and a toss of her mahogany curls.

Now, Sebastian didn’t feel so much as a single ray of hope from her until she saw him. His chest clenched at the sudden burst of agony radiating from her body. He knew that feeling all too well. That’s why he spent so many days staring at the ceiling from his couch. It hurt less when he simply let life pass him by.

“Felicity.” He spoke her name as though it broke his heart to say it. “You don’t want to die. You have the whole world in your sights. Go back home.”

“No.” Her bottom lip trembled; that perfect mouth that tasted like Heaven, and her face seized in grief. “There is nothing here that can make me happy without you in my life. So I don’t want to live anymore.”

“How can I convince you…I can’t send your soul on, Felicity. Don’t do this to me.” He ran a hand over his face. “I told you I loved you. I love you so much that I can’t take you for myself. This job…what I do for people…”

“Enough!” Felicity yelled. “Remove my soul from my body. I can’t bear to live without you. I tried. I suffer every day without your touch and it’s too much. You turned my world upside down, Sebastian, and then you shattered it when you left. You were my first and only love. There is nothing here for me.” Tears coursed down her sallow cheeks as she lay on the table, arms wide to release her broken soul. Her soft sobs filled the empty room, tearing at Sebastian’s core. How different from that vibrant creature he’d first met at the library.

Sebastian cleared his throat and tried once more. “You love so many things. I know there is something to keep you here.” He probed the air around him with his mind, but not so much as a blade of grass showed its head.

She regarded him coldly with her brown eyes. “Is this how you usually convince your patients, Seb, because you’re doing a terrible job.” She turned her head and stared at nothing. The whiteness of the room was unending.

Sebastian never touched his clients. He never had to, not until now. He could always sense through the door what their deepest wishes were. Sometimes they were regrets; things they wished they could do over before they died. Others only needed to realize what they had forgotten they loved about life, and would change their mind when he revealed it to them. But he had never found someone like Felicity. So, he touched her cold hand…and nothing changed. He was still himself. The room did not so much as flicker in its sterile whiteness, and then he knew. She had been completely truthful that night when she’d told him it didn’t matter what he did. She loved him for himself, because his form was the same, down to the scar on his elbow and the cleft in his chin that he hated so much. All she wanted was him. He sank to the floor, overwhelmed by the purest love he’d ever felt in his life. Sebastian tried to utter her name, but he couldn’t, so he pulled himself to his feet and did the only thing he was able.

He kissed her. It was like an explosion. The taste he remembered so well, the passion, the way she fit into his arms. He felt her lifeless spirit revive in an instant, her limp arms come back to life and embrace him tightly. As she did, the room began to flash with color like he’d never seen before. Bright scenes of children laughing burst and faded quickly into mountain scenes of Switzerland, the foothills of Italy, St. Basil’s Cathedral, spring cherry blossoms, summer days spent on the lake, bonfires with family, fields of flowers, bright starry skies, and a cozy cottage with a reading nook for rainy days. Felicity’s lips traveled up to Sebastian’s ear and whispered, “Don’t you see? All my dreams only matter if they happen with you.”

Sebastian held her tightly. “I’ve missed you terribly.” He admitted with his face buried in her shoulder.

“Then don’t send me away again. Let me stay with you.” Felicity held him tighter.

Sebastian laughed softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever let you out of my sight again. I love you, Felicity.”

“I love you, too, Seb.”