Chapter 1
One day, she is outside playing with her dolls and this super expensive black mustang drives up to the house and she runs inside and hides to go into her room/closet. The dude looks confused and says out loud on accident,”Did I do something? Why did that girl run away from me?” Iris heard him talk and stopped for a few minutes confused on if he were talking to her or not. The dude’s name is Samual. He was going to take in Iris. In his mind he’s saying, “Was that the girl I was going to take in.” He walked into the building and said,”What does the girl I was going to take in look like?” She gave him a picture of what she looked like and his face looked so shocked when he saw the picture. The girl in the picture looked like the girl who ran away from him. The girl in the picture that he was taking in looked like the one that ran from him. The girl slowly walked toward the guy and started looking at him weirdly. She’s never seen a man in her entire life. So, when she saw this man she was scared. She didn’t know what the man was going to do nor who he was. Iris ran into the attic and hid away from the weird man. The next five hours Iris was never found.
There are a lot of grammatical errors, there's no sentence structure or paragraphs. The story overall needs a lot more details and character development. it seems to be rushed through and because of that it is missing the opportunity to let the reader know information. Character background, history of the location, details to let us know why something is happening. For example, the man in the car, why did he decide to adopt a little girl? why did he choose her? why was she so afraid of a man, even tho she had never seen one, what specifically caused her to run away?
what happened to her? why is she there in the first place? what's the man's history or backstory? what's the girl's parents'backstory?
I would maybe start the 1st chapter with the incident that made the parents give her up to begin with. describe the situation, give those little details we as readers want. We have to care about these characters to want to come back to see what happened to them.
You have a great premis and have the ball rolling, just flesh it out and make them into characters, not words on a page.
good luck!!