I personally am not into those kind of relationships which makes me slightly biased. looking at it from an authors perspective it is a really different and unique writing style. while i know you state at the beginning you want the reader to imagine the world for themselves and therefore you use minimal descriptions. I think this story could benefit from a few more descriptions to fill out the world a bit more. These extra depictions and details would also help slow down the pace of the story. Try show the reader more rather than tell. this could be done even in the dialog. I also understand the little space means the descriptions are altered due to the different head-space and perspectives the main character takes on and I think you could feed off of that in a way that gives the characters a more full bodied and rounded persona. I wish you luck and i think there is potential in this story and i love the quick pace you write with as it reminds me of a stream of conscious style, just getting out the ideas and putting them down because you can't wait. I think it is a great way to write and shows your passion as well as you own unique thought process.
Read the story now