Terry Heeter

Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Great descriptive writing

This reminds me of a few different stories, I found it difficult to finish due to the fact the characters dialogue has no presence due to grammar.

Proper dialogue has rules. If a character says something it's crucial to a good story, which this is, slightly unstructured, a few plot holes and little research was done to understand the psychology of hitmen but its a great trope to use. Example.

"The grass is green." Agent 24 said elucidating the code word to her partner.

"Making my move." Agent 48 replied ramming the bolt forward loading a .50 caliber round behind the firing pin.

The descriptive nature of the dialogue sets the pace for the story and you do not have any representation of who is talking to whom and the descriptors to set a visualization for the reader. This fault takes away at least half of the story. Perhaps you are a young writer with no one to direct your talented skill, but I believe with a little bit of input this story could be written with proper structure and flourish. Good Luck Micaelodian! I hope you take the time to write this story properly, because it's a great start.

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