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trippgalaxy
Review
Hello! Here is my review for the swap. I can be blunt sometimes so please take everything with a grain of salt.
In the first sentence, “I opened my eyes the first thing I saw pair of chocolate brown eyes.” You’re just missing a “was” after pair.
Some grammar bits: I notice you switch between present and past tense, there are a few missing commas.
Try to focus on showing; rather than telling. For example, instead of saying she felt dizzy, show the reader what that would look like. “The room started spinning, a slight ringing in my ear distracted me from my thoughts. I swayed back and forth in bed, hoping my head would clear and this feeling would pass.”
Other than that, an interesting concept! Keep writing!
