trippgalaxy

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Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Review

Hello! Here is my review for the swap. I can be blunt sometimes so please take everything with a grain of salt.
In the first sentence, “I opened my eyes the first thing I saw pair of chocolate brown eyes.” You’re just missing a “was” after pair.

Some grammar bits: I notice you switch between present and past tense, there are a few missing commas.

Try to focus on showing; rather than telling. For example, instead of saying she felt dizzy, show the reader what that would look like. “The room started spinning, a slight ringing in my ear distracted me from my thoughts. I swayed back and forth in bed, hoping my head would clear and this feeling would pass.”

Other than that, an interesting concept! Keep writing!

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Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.