Heya your story is really cool but I’m not too familiar in the genre that you’re writing in so I’ll just focus more about the technical aspects of the story and focus on Chapter 1. There are some grammatical errors throughout so you might want to fix that up but it’s pretty minor so you’ll be fine. Also I like your vivid descriptions throughout, but don’t overdo. I think i’d prefer if you broke down your description. E.g. when we first meet Xavier perhaps you want to give us his most striking feature or,, if applicable the feature that might be important later on in the story. There should be a little room for the reader to imagine how he looks like so there’s no need to tell me everything about him, but definitely give me some details over the next course of the paragraphs. You might want to search up how to describe someone’s appearance, Google has a ton of super useful stuff. Also, you can afford to end your story with a bigger bang. Give your story more suspense, because in Chapter One it’s still not as exciting as it could be.
Read the story now
That being said your story has potential so good luck!! Xx