Vin Wintergreen

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A satisfying start

A good beginning. An increase in tension could be good, and I bet you could make the bearded man a bit more spooky/creepy in order to do so. Your acknowledgement of Norse mythology is good and is appreciated. You have an engaging work at hand. Good Luck!

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A promising start

This story has the makings of a good one. There isn't much logistics one would expect with vampire stories, and sure, while there are a few concerns over how the taking of slaves would be considered by the human community and such. The story has a good romantic line, and one would probably find themselves patronizing with the hero rather than both the protagonists. Being kings, I would find it more appealing to have more political subplots that necessitate their actions, not just ordering other characters around to call them by their royal titles.
Overall, a well-conceived plot which deserves more note as to the implications in their actions. I would suggest the author to try expanding her base to include more than just romance since her writing skills are good.

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An Exception to the Genre

I would rarely have read horror in a book, and even then, I would have never expected that I would find such grotesque imagery of epitomes of innocence being the stuff made of your worst nightmares grip you in the middle of a place which threatens you with the worst of microbes. When else would tetanus be the least of your concerns?
A slight workover to the commas and some of the more distracting allegories and the author has a very gripping nightmare for her readers. A nightmare that they will immerse themselves in, though, due to the plotline.

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Premise is good

The story has a promising start. I have only read the first chapter, and it has me hooked to read further. Humanizing what the average person considers as a monster takes guts, and you have made Mephisto sound very human. it was a bit cheesy at points, but for the most, it seemed to give a well-developed character. Good work!

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A good start and good pacing.

Your story seems to flow quite well. The swearing sometimes feels forced, and other than that, as a basic kick-off to the story it works pretty well. You have a knack for the dialogue to flow seamlessly, which is a good note. One point where you might have to focus is to get me to like the protagonist a little better. Otherwise, the cast seems good and I'm waiting for the mystery to start!

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