Vlamenelli

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great idea, but character development could use some work

I was really excited when I read the summary of this story. It drew me in, intrigued me. Sadly, the actual story was a disappointment. It had so much potential, but the execution could have been much better.
The plot was great. I especially loved the twist at the ending.
What really "killed it" for me was the character development. Victoria and James both feel shallow, two-dimensional, and well, underdeveloped. Most of the information we know about them was told, not shown. Victoria doesn't seem like a cold, calculating leader of a barbaric planet. She seems like a naïve, spoiled, impetous child who is used to getting their own way. And James—well, we know next to nothing about James.
And I understand that you can only cram so much about your characters into four chapters, but I think that even with ony four chapters you could have developed your characters so much more.
So, overall, great idea, but the characters were extremely underdeveloped.
~Pi

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