5Nightmare_0

K

Disclaimer: Everything I'm going to write here might hurt your feelings, but in the end, don't let my subjective comments bring you down. If you enjoy your writing style you don't have to change anything. You can do better, but you don't have to. I still liked the storyline, so Did I absolutely LOVE the characters and the idea, so do what you want to do and whatever you decide, I'll be waiting for new masterpieces) so, let's start. Don't get me wrong, but even though everything is going too fast, the lines don't make sense, the grammar and punctuation are horrifying and the whole story is a hot mess with a good idea that the author couldn't bring to life. That is so bad, that it's actually good. Some lines genuinely made me laugh, and the main idea behind it is clear. I would recommend this story just for some good laugh, but if the author wants to try and fix it, that is what I personally would recommend: -Don't be lazy and fill out the punctuation properly -before posting a chapter copy paste it in word to autocorrect the grammar -Look at the scenario closer, make it make sense; for example, it is completely unclear how Bethany developed Sympathy for Draco (It starts with her hating him and him sexually assaulting her to her being his gf), also don't be lazy and write out the rape scene, come on, it's the biggest plot in the story and you are just going to do it offscreen, and if you already started dating Draco, why would you possibly go out with another guy, stuff like that -concentrate on Bethany's feelings more, the whole story you are telling things that happen; for example "he undressed her" or "she laid on his knees" instead you could concentrate more on what she was feeling; like "she felt safe and warm lying on his knees" or "she felt constantly turned on as he undressed her" -also, don't go this quick, try to describe important moments with as many details as possible -I love the idea with rape being the plot, but what does Bethany consider rape, if sexual assaults and yeah well RAPE that Draco did to her in the room isn't considered rape? thx for taking your time to read it))

Okay,

Okay, the grammar isn't the best, so is the build of the text. This book definitely has potential, but it needs some more work.