The plot seems interesting, although I feel as though you throw at the readers all the basics of the character(s) to rush into the juicy part of the story. There could be a few chapters to extend the introduction of the character(s) to get more of a hook for the reader, but this is all just my opinion. Otherwise, I understand the concept you're going for and what's actually happening in each scene is clear thanks to the point of views of the characters, which helps immerse the reader into their shoes. It could use some work when it comes to pacing and wrapping up each plot point, but, again, this is just what I think personally. Overall, you did excellent work with a flexible storyline and the book has a lot of potential. Since, this is just the beginning, I know any points of weakness will be strengthened gradually over time.
Read the story now