Avani

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Lovely!

That was beautiful! I wish you wrote a little more about Kevin but you can do that in the next chapter. I love how you showed how much the sisters loved each other. I felt like the pace of the story was a bit too fast, You have a great start and I am interested to hear from you more. Good luck!

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Keep it up!

I think that your writing style is amazing. There are a few errors in conventions but that is fine. I really liked how you had lots of descriptive words.

All in all, I think that this poem is really sweet and thoughtful. Keep writing!

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Good Book

My friend told me to write this exact review so I am!

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Wow.

I love your writing! The way that you wrote things really helped t0 set a picture in my mind. I think that you can work on your grammar a little bit ( I saw a lowercase i). I love your book and it has a great start! I am looking forward to reading more.

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Great start!

Your blurb really drew me in. I wish that there was a bit more description in the blurb. I like your concept. I liked your writing style. Your grammar needs a bit more work but that is ok. Also, I think that some of your paragraphs were a bit long.

Prologue

Your prologue was very interesting at first. The more I read from the prologue, the more repetitive it became. I like that it is from someone else's point of view, but is kind of boring near the end. A lot of unnecessary commentaries.

Chapter one

It is all happening too fast. You should describe William's surroundings. Explain why William doesn't want to be in the quest. Where is all of this happening? How did people find out about the quest? You should explain a bit more about the quest. It is confusing how everything happens so fast. The pace should be a bit slower. How does the king know about the kids? What are the ruled for the quest? Maybe your first chapter should be about the king. Maybe he is thinking of what to do when one of his servants helps give him an idea. Something like that. Maybe the king likes that idea and lets everyone know by having an announcement somewhere...

Your plot is good but your pace needs improvement.

Your story is really good but for the prologue, I think you could start the next chapter for 6 months later...

and you could start chapter 2 for 96 months later...

Instead of writing x months later, I think you can just write it in years.

Overall good job.

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Amazing!

That was really good. The thing I liked the most is that you described the character several times throughout the book. It helps to spread the knowledge. I encourage you to keep on doing that. I love how you use descriptive words when describing something. Your grammar could use a little improvement but I wasn't really worried about that because you can always fix your work later. The plot is also very nice. I can really tell that the theme is romance. Overall I say that you did a great job. Keep up the good work! Good luck!

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Good start

Nice job! There are some grammar mistakes. Your prolog was a little bit confusing. I didn't understand why there was a list of all of the characters. I would like to ask why you but a bunch of slashes sometimes in between paragraphs. Your blurb was a bit confusing as well. Your grammar could use a lot of help so make sure to proofread all of your work before you submit it. Overall I think you have a good start. Good luck with publishing your book!

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That was really good!

I love your choice of words. The plot is amazing. I was really feeling and understanding the main character. Your blurb is fantastic! Ever since I read it I knew that I was going to like this book. There are a few typos but that is ok. Good luck!

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