The One They Left Behind
Well, as a person who adores a good cliché, I can safely say I enjoyed your story. It's not very different from the other high school drama stories, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't have a good potential to evolve into a masterpiece. I just have some observations that will might help you get even better:
Read the story now
1) Your basic idea is very important and it would be perfect if you highlighted it more. You want to highlight the difficulties of Rose, who tries to overcome them and find herself and her happiness throught everything that is happening to her. Describing her inner feelings and deeper thoughts, and maybe some features that betray her embarrassment, her fear, her despair, etc., will give much more emphasis and will make the reader feel even closer to the main character. Give a clear message: that we are all going through difficult times in our lives, but we should always try for the best. Everything is done for a reason and the difficulties we face, prepare us for a better time in our lives.
2) By describing better what I mentioned above, your chapters will become much larger. Admittedly, they're smaller than they should be, and your readers might be a little bit...disappointed. Give them something more to read, even by explaining only the space and characteristics of the faces.
3) Some chapters may slightly confuse your readers, as there are references to the past that are confused with the present and very fast transition from one age to another. Of course, the rapid age progression and the references to the past are very interesting, but maybe you should use some means, to make it more prominent, as a bold font that warns readers of the time (5 years earlier-, -flashback-, -end of flashback-...).
4) Your characters are shaped beautifully,but you could give us a bit more information about their relationship. If we know more about their friendship, we will be able to relate more to the pain of Rose's split from them.
5) You have a few grammar and vocabulary mistakes, but they can be fixed easily with a good editing. I do believe that adding more descriptions of the places and the feelings and thoughts of the characters will make this story a bomb!!
Generally, is a great work that can become even greater if you fix a couple of things!! Your hard work is showing and I honestly want to find out how the whole plot is going to evolve, so as a dedicated reader I can do nothing more than help you improve and motivate you become even better...Keep up the great work!! You got this!!