C. Swallow

Melbourne

𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓮𝓶 𝓒𝓲𝓽𝔂 and 𝓓𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓸𝓷'𝓼 𝓟𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼 are published on 'Galatea - Addictive Stories' an immersive fiction ✎ app by Inkitt ☞ Downloadable on Apple & Android | 'Support me' leads to my Patreon!

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Very talented!

Reading through you can feel the passion and the originality of this work - fantastic. I think many people who love this type of sci-fi soldier themed stuff would love to get their hands on something original like this. It would be very satisfying to see this published as a book one day! It would be very popular amongst many!

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Review

Hey girl so I read 5 chapters. I can tell you have the story well planned but you need to maybe practice going with first person point of view, I have a feeling it will fit your writing style better, if it comes from the eyes and mind of the protagonist: Jasmine. I would focus on making chapter 3, 4 or 5 the introduction. What I mean by that is its totally okay to start chapter 1 in the action. And try to make it in the eyes of the protagonist if you can! I suggest just trying it for fun, don't be worried if you can or can't do it just try ;) trust me it's way easier than third person! Make sure to add in what Jasmine feels towards these boys, it would give the story the one thing its lacking which is emotional connection so the readers can bond with your characters. I can read names being listed and I'm told who is who but it's better to practice 'show don't tell'. This is a very common error for first attempts. Practice writing an action scene while avoiding over explaining the background details that aren't important yet. Focus on Jasmine's emotional state and how she feels and how she sees these boys and the party! And practice starting a new paragraph everytime someone else speaks!! You have all the imagination down pat, now you need to paint a picture slowly, don't rush and focus on one thing at a time. It's all practice makes perfect, you got this !! X

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OMG YES!

The blurb had me drooling girl, the excerpt had me frothing, lol, I'm sorry but I love these kind of story lines. The scifi, action, soldier training, yes, yes, triple yes. Keep writing. You have no choice. I order you to keep writing this. Thank you :P there was no romance mentioned yet and I'm already excited for it! KEEP. WRITING.

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Wow! Intriguing :)

I really love it because you clearly have a passion for the story and writing so I know the ideas are going to keep unpacking into something beautiful and entrancing! Keep up the great work! x you have a natural talent and you should keep working on it! x

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