Lots to like, but issues...
There is a lot to like in this story. The characters are interesting and well-developed, particularly Alice and Sam. The action scenes at Fort Rutner are exciting and compelling to the reader. The author has a knack or revealing plot points through dialogue and action, rather than just having the narrator explain them, which makes the story more interesting.
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While the piece is generally well written, there are number of spelling and grammatical errors. Some of these may be deliberate and stylistic, but more on that later. These include, in general: word omissions, as in “a couple (of) beaded hide vests”; outright word substitutions, such as “envigeration”, should be invigoration (I guess), and “antidote”, should be anecdote; sentence fragments, usually sentences lacking a subject—this is not necessarily wrong, and many authors use them occasionally, but here they are used excessively; and changes in tense, as in “Clearly he was scared. And he should be.”
The writing style is generally good, but I find the use of the vernacular by an omniscient author to be distracting and unnecessary. If the narrator was speaking in the first person, or was a known character, I could understand this, but as it is it just seems like an affectation. It is also applied inconsistently. Examples occur throughout, but consist mainly of making false contractions by dropping the final “g” on “ing” words. I understand that the author is perhaps trying to sound as his characters might speak, but I just don’t see why an anonymous omniscient narrator would do this. Maybe this adds something for some readers, but it is just jarring for this one.
The first chapter, while very well written, does not seem to bear any relationship to the rest of the novel so far. While I understand that the novel is unfinished, it seems strange to have a first chapter that does not really introduce anything for what must be a substantial part of the plot. I think it needs something to anchor it to the earlier portion of the novel which is reviewed here.
One of the central plot points, that they are going to retrieve a document that grants rights to black people, is not well explained and seems completely implausible to me. The reader just doesn’t know why this would matter so much. Couldn’t they just get another one? Why would someone take it? Why would it have any value? Why is it in an army fort? Why does it matter that it was taken? I found this so unbelievable that I think this must be a fabrication by Bill and that there will be a reveal of the true goal of the heist at some point, but that hasn’t come yet. But even if that is the case, it leaves open the question: why would any of the characters believe such an outlandish story, particularly Peter who apparently sacrificed his life to retrieve this document? The premise is never questioned by any of the characters or explained in any rational way. I just don’t get it.
I found the pace of the story to be a little slow. Really, there is not much action until they start bombing Fort Rutner, and that is thirty-odd chapters in. The author spends much of the time on character development, but that happens rather slowly too. There are lots of hints about the terrible things the characters have done, but they are not really revealed until late in the story. The pace is presumably geared to a longer work, but even so I had trouble maintaining interest in the story.
To conclude, I think the story has possibilities but there are issues which need to be addressed, as outlined above.