ChloeKing18

Wales

Chloe King was born in Wales. She lives with her two cats and a dog to keep her company. Surrounded in lush green fields Chloe writes erotic novellas.

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Brilliant Story...Love it

Wow. Just wow. You have an amazing story here. It's unusual and exceptionally good. You bring out your character rather well.

You do need to develop your characters more. The mean father. I've no idea what he looks like. I know he has a temper. I look forward to seeing more background. I'd like to see more of both councils as well as how they run and work.

Kenda is great, especially as she starts to understand who she is and I look forward to finding out more about her full powers.

Grammar..and Writing Skills.

Your manuscript needs tightening. You have mixed POV. You have mixed First and Third Person. Lack of speech marks and punctuation. You also need more paragraphs and some new sentences need to be started on a new line. You have a few words missing and a few word error (sometimes the wrong spelling of the correct word.) This disrupts your writing flow...and your readers ..reading flow.

All this can be remedied with a good edit, Grammarly (free app) and an Editor who works with this genre.

Keep writing. I need more.

Thanks

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LOVE

This story has gripped me. Waiting on tenterhooks for each chapter. One of the best romance stories I've ever read, if not THE BEST.

Unusual storyline, Unusual idea. I love Oliva and the way she strides through life. Adorable. Lots of love, laughter and tears. This is a MUST read.

YOU HAVE TO PUBLISH THIS BOOK... HAPPY TO HELP.

Totally blown away. Couldn't wait for each chapter to be written. Please keep writing...

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Unusual Story

I can't say I've ever read a story like this. It is different. I thought it was a bit disjointed at first, so carried on reading. It started to make more sense. Though I'm still not sure about the cops and what they do or did.

There is an obvious relationship with Jame and Val, though where it will lead, we need to wait and see.

Keep writing so we can unravel the mysteries you've given us. Can you give us more description of the characters and the background? What the house is like, What the town is like. etc

Good on the grammar and punctuation, only a couple of obvious errors which happen in all draft work.

Well done.

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Well done

This story has a lot of potential! I can see this as a full-length novel at some stage in the future. The overall plot is good.

You need to continue to grow with your writing style. Fill in with more descriptions of your surroundings. You do a lot of TELLING in the story. You really need more SHOW... As if you are watching a movie. Let the muse take over.

Technically you have no errors in grammar and punctuation, however, you do in formatting. When in dialogue make sure each person's voice starts on a new line. It will make your words flow better.

You have talent...keep it growing.

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Great Concept

Love the story idea. I think you can develop this idea into a full-length book. There are things which we ... the readers still need and wish to know.

You've plotted well. Though there are gaps...or knowledge needed. More background of the orphanage years, where she lives and her home... How come she owns it? Yes, we need more.

I like your style. I like horror. You can be more descriptive with the gore, do some research on blood splatter for Zach's scene... The deaths could also be extended with fuller descriptions...please give us more gore ;)

Great technical skills. Didn't see any errors at all. Good use of contractions and words flow well.

Now we need to know all about Noah! and why Isabella's mouth is stitched up.

Keep up the good work

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His Room

A wonderful story. Yes, I got teary in parts. It could be a book a reader won't put down.

The plot is good. I think you could develop this story into a longer novel, show a bit more about the boy's lives as well as more about their adult lives. I'd like to know more about Jake, his family.

Your writing style is similar to what mine was when i first started writing. As you write more your work will improve. I think you need more dialogue. I'll admit to bad grammar...

Technical skills. You need to brush up on these...in this story. You have mixed tenses, first-person and third-person mixed, In some dialogue, you have backward speech marks at the end of a sentence and an extra comma. You also need to use more contractions in your dialogue. This will make your story flow much better. Last but not least...watch out for word errors or extra words which can be removed. Use Grammarly (Free) to help.

Meanwhile, please keep writing. You most certainly have talent.

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