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Grammar & Punctuation

Dark Premise, Sad Plot

I am intrigued by the premise your story was built on; however, due to the dark insinuation, I felt that the story needed to be darker as well. Over all, the main emotion it evoked was sadness laced with pity. Anomaly reminded me strongly of torture victims - despondent and numb with flashes of "too real and too much" - from a few other stories I have read recently. It touched my heart, particularly the clerk's reaction to Anomaly. I caution you not to go overboard in beating down your characters; when Anomaly struggled to hold the mirror you stretched her credibility as a realistic character. No doubt, Anomaly could be that weak, but you need to keep an eye on the limits of human endurance.

You wrote this story well, but although some of the similes provided information about the setting, they felt awkward and interrupted the story flow. Despite this, you have my admiration for creating a world - a culture - without delving into detail. I like that in a writer.

I liked the ending best. It did not drag on forever, and for that reason the final line lingered as a melancholy echo after I finished. As a writer, killing off your character is often considered an easy way to end. For the emotion in this story, your ending fit. Please remember that a "fate worse then death" ending can haunt the reader into rereading the story. Main character deaths are cliche, convenient, and overused in the horror and tragedy genres. If you ever decide to rewrite, just keep in mind that a shock ending could serve your purpose as well. Perhaps the clerk could not stop thinking about Anomaly and checker her status; she saw that Anomaly was soon to die, and came back to euthanize her to save her the pain of living another full week. This is just a suggestion. Regardless of my advice, I like how you concluded Anomaly's existence.

Excellent job! I enjoyed reading this story, and thank you for sharing.

Keep writing!

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