Diana Hart

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Great Potential

I've read the first few chapters and I can tell that you spent a lot of time on the story and plot. It has wonderful potential in becoming a great story, but the hardest thing for me is the writing style. I just wanted to give a small critique to help build up a stronger foundation on the style. Please don't take this negatively, because I'm telling you this because I can see the story becoming stronger. I wouldn't say this if I didn't care.

First, break up the paragraphs a bit more, when you change subject in a paragraph it should be a new paragraph. Your paragraph seems to run long and can become a jumble of confusion if not broken up.

Second, and the final thing I really noticed, show some action with the dialogue between the characters. If you don't do this it will become harder to tell who's saying what. For example: "Hi there," Diana waved at the author. This way you can tell that someone is doing something while speaking as well as who said it.

This story can become something amazing and very enjoyable to read, just fix these few things and it will be easier on the readers to understand the story. I know you can become an amazing writer, I can already tell in this story alone. You just need a little more practice in the style. Good luck on the competition.

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Goodness Gracious!!!!

This was overall a wonderful novel! I fell in love with it. I love the characters and plot. It’s simple to understand, and very creative in how it’s played out. There are hits to a sequel, and I want one!

The writing style is great! I loved seeing things in Hannah’s perspective, and it does cause some mystery in how Ethan feels.

For me personally, I could predict some things that would happen, but it was still very clever how it was done in the end.

The only, nitpicking, thing I would say is that it did seem fairly slow on some things. At least for me, but it worked well for this story.

I would definitely reread this novel, and read any sequels to come out, if any come.

Great job! Thanks for the fun adventure!

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