DollyDove

Quite a shock

(Reviewed at Chapter 10)

This story starts out feeling something like a children's book. The first few chapters have that sense of wonder and excitement that I'd expect from similar works in the "dragon rider" genre. However, in Chapter 8, that.... changes. There's a sudden DROP in mood and tone, with the story going from that "wonder and excitement" to something much darker. And while I'm not at all against darkness in stories, the change (including the assumed death of a major character) feels quite sudden. It was a bit of an "emotional whiplash" moment, honestly.

Overall, the plot is a mix of expected and not. There are quite a few tropes present throughout the story, which add to it in places and detract in others, but there are just as many places where some very original takes are present. The portrayal of dragons so far is surprising. It's not what I would have expected of a "dragon rider" story. I don't think I've ever seen one where the dragons are quite so cruel and violent. I like where it's going in that regard, and I enjoy the darker and more unique aspects of the story quite a bit. That said, in line with the tropes I mentioned earlier, the plot can be a little weak in places. There are a number of occasions where the story feels very /done/.

Worth mentioning, though, is the sort of "telepathy" system that the story employs. It's a fairly original idea, with a lot of aspects to it that I haven't seen done before for that kind of concept. I do feel like it could use better explanation and more clearly defined rules, but considering that the story is told from the point of view of a relatively young character, it does make sense that she wouldn't quite understand her power, either. I like what's being done with it so far!

As for technical skills, the author does just fine. There are a few grammar issues and places of awkward wording, but I don't have distinct issues. The style suits the subject matter well. The writing style isn't as polished as it could be, but in a way, that works well with what's being written.

As a whole, I enjoyed this story a fair amount! It's not exactly my taste, but it was a fun read as I was getting through it, and I hope that the author keeps going and gets through it well! :D

Angel gonna learn some manners~

(Reviewed at Chapter 4)

To start off, I'm loving the concept here! "Angel" themes in stories are something that I'm generally not a fan of, but Ariel's personality is doing it for me. So much. He's amazing. XD And by that I mean that I can't wait to see him figure out how much of a jerk he's being and get the messaged that oh yeah, soft lil' human is gonna take care of his sorry butt. The concept is really selling me, and the plot has been enjoyable so far. It reminds me of the kinds of things I'd write... so I might be a /little/ biased~

As for any problems with the story, it's mostly just writing style and minor grammar issues. There's nothing outright or massively /wrong/ with either, but there are just enough hiccups that I can't give a full five-star rating. Some general proofreading would be GREAT for minor errors (such as "padded her cheeks" versus "patted her cheeks"), and as for the style issues... that might be more of a preference thing? I feel like more practice (in a general sense) is really all the author needs to get that style flowing great!

Overall, I'm enjoying this! Keep writing, and make Ariel suffer, please~ >:3c

Aunt Amelia ;A;

(Reviewed at Chapter 4)

Alright! First of all, I /like/ how this story is starting. The author clearly has an idea of where they're going and how they're going to get there. While the story is just starting, I'm enjoying it! The pace is good, the chapters aren't too long or too short, and there's some solid characterization already. I like how the author has done character descriptions. With Astra's aunt and uncle, particularly, they came across very vividly. And of course, the story leaves me curious about what's next!

As always, mentioning the technical aspects, there are a few errors here and there. They're minor enough not to get in the way of reading, but still should probably be checked for. Other than that, the author's style is plenty good. Their writing conveys the mood of the story well!

Overall, I'm liking the start. I'm very pleased with how this story is going,

...and I'm very, very worried about Aunt Amelia. ;A;

Incredibly Ableist

I read the CONCEPT of this story and had issues. "Mentally ill, obsessed, and bloodthirsty." Really? REALLY!? Does the author not realize how ableist it is to have their villain's DEFINING TRAIT be "mentally ill"? This is the kind of thing that adds to the stigma around mental health issues and perpetuates awful, cruel stereotypes. It's plenty possible to have a villain with mental illness. There are lots of ways to write them where the WHOLE REASON why they're evil isn't that illness. And that's not what's happening here. From what I read, this story is full of countless stereotypes and misconceptions and operates around the idea that there's something "wrong" with people who are mentally ill. Treating them like freaks instead of people with illnesses. This is pure ableist nonsense and I'm disgusted to see it on the site.

I'm going to suggest to the author to SERIOUSLY do some research next time, and don't fall into the trap of using nothing but stereotypes as a crutch for your story. You can do better. Your ideas aren't bad, but using mental illness as the root and cause of all of your characters' problems and all of the evil in the story isn't okay.