(Reviewed at Chapter 4)
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Alright, so I've got a lot of thoughts here. First of all, the author is definitely onto something! There are a lot of good ideas that I'm seeing, and I can. /feel/ that there's a big, overreaching plot that just hasn't fallen into place yet. However, I will say that the way the author's getting to that plot isn't ideal. There's too much that isn't explained properly, and it makes the story confusing. I can understand wanting to leave mysteries to be explored and understood later, but there's a problem here with not giving /enough/ information to make the story easy to read.
I think that the biggest issue is just moving too fast. A lot of the scenes, while detailed and well thought out, feel rushed. Too much happens too quickly, with not enough time for the characters to think and respond. There's plenty of action and things happening, but not enough introspection and time to process it. I feel like the story should be about twice as long as it is now to have reached where the plot is currently at.
However, there's a LOT here that I like. The mysteries are exciting and it makes me want to see what happens next! Malisa, who seems to be the main character(?) is very sweet. She comes across as a moral and /good/ person whose doing her best to adapt to a world that's changing quickly around her. Her snap decisions and quick thinking are appealing traits for a protagonist to have. Her brother is also fascinating, even with as little as we've seen of him. I get the feeling that he's a real sweetheart! From what I get of the story so far, I think that these characters are going to see tons of development too.
And as for the technical writing, there are a few issues. First of all, a lot of commas are missing. Segments like "a large blue overstuffed armchair" are missing necessary commas, which for me, made reading a bit awkward. There's also the problem of HUGE paragraphs without breaks, which again, gets in the way somewhat. A couple of misspelled words are present too, which could easily be fixed with a quick proofreading. However, the writing style remains fluid and carries the story well.
Overall, the author is doing good so far! Some simple edits would do wonders to fix up the readability, and other than that, my main suggestion would be to slow down and give the readers more time to experience what's happening. No need to jump from action to action too fast~