Rebirth of the Witch queen
Hi! I'm the first to review so I thought of leaving a few comments on what I noticed, which I believe would help you to improve your story! Point number 1, your structure.
Read the story now
I think many of your readers would agree if I said that this structure makes it a bit difficult to engage with. For an instance, in the first chapter, all your lines, may it be dialogues or descriptions, they're all packed into a big fat paragraph which may cause your readers to lose interest! I do understand if you bring out a point like this; Shakespeare's plays are big fat paragraphs too, but people don't lose interest in those! Well the answer for that is, people don't read that kind plays on computer screens; it's always a hard copy. But when reading a long set of lines digitally, it may cause your readers to distance themselves from the story and that would be a disadvantage for you!
But I assure you, with a few paragraph breaks and a few separated lines, here and there, you could easily fix it!
And also the dialogues; most stories have either " or ' to indicate the beginning and ending of a dialogue, but in your story you haven't used them. I understand that it may be your preference, but once again with the packed structure of your writing and the difficulty in distinguishing between your descriptions and dialogues, it may affect your reader engagement.
I hope this review helped you and wishing you all the best for your future career!