A game of life and death with a twist.
That summary makes it look like some kind of manic pixie dream girl story but instead it turns into so much more.
Read the story now
Lots of imagery again, but for the opening part it works very well. Gives a feel of a epic fantasy story. Be a bit more careful when you transition back to the real world though. Every now and then is fine, but doing two in a row in the same paragraph can end up being more distracting rather than adding to the setting. You’re good at them though, so removing a few wouldn’t be a problem in my opinion. You don't want to create an overload with the similes and metaphors.
In chapter one I honestly got a bit confused after the line “he just took it.” Suddenly we have Zed speaking when before we only had TJ and the neighbor. I’m not sure if I am just misreading it, if a line is missing, or it’s supposed to be a scene change?
Be away of how many times you say “As if” Everyone has a phrase they overuse and that might just be yours.
As I read through this, am I right to assume this is somewhat of a parody. Or at least an extreme self-aware exaggeration? What with the amount of violence and the reactions of the characters. To be a bit of a nerd, it actually gives me somewhat of a ‘highschool of the dead’ vibe.
Also with this amount of gore you might want to consider changing the rating to 18+.
Oh, and the pop culture references might be a problem in the future. Currently they work, because they are relevant, but as time passes they might not all age well. It adds a sense of realism to the character dialogue, but just something to consider.