ElleStarrunner

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Demonic Art and Angelic Politics

This is an entire world, set up with species-specific traits, a history that is revealed in reasonable, digestible portions, and political maneuverings that leave me with questions. The back story that was revealed in tantalizing tidbits makes me want to read what comes next at least as much as the romance that is the primary advertised plot line. The story made me care about the characters and their worlds, and mixed movement and action with exposition very smoothly. High marks for the art of writing!

I give average marks for the technical aspect because the seasonal setting got confused a bit, there were some jumbled sentences that forced me out of the fantasy to parse their intent, and the lunar cycle that was so key to the timeline was mishandled. Starting with an Earthly month's deadline at the dark moon puts a full moon in the middle of the timeline and necessitates a waning moon as the deadline approaches. I really liked the idea of the demon taking power from darkness such that the full moon's light weakened him, so it was jarring when a stray reference to a return of the full moon was made only four days after it had already happened.

Thank you for the image of an angel shielding a demon from sunlight by shadowing him with his wings. That will stick with me for a while. Well done!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Hunter Culture & Dilemmas

Well done! The werewolves are just part of the landscape, normal life, treated as a matter of course. Hector is a normal man, with a man's needs, wants, worries, and limits. The community of hunters has its own culture and habits, and is accepted as part of the broader culture of this AU European landscape. The conflict hinges not on the hunt or the killing, but on the dilemmas faced by Hector and his friends. 5/5 for art.

I only drop to 4/5 for technique due to a few word choice errors - the kind spell check won't help- like when a character "stapled his fingers" instead of "steepled his fingers". They jar me momentarily out of the story with a brief "Huh?" as I figure out what should be there and dive back in.

And I must dive back in to the fantasy..

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