Ender Talon

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good start

The action right off the bat in the story along with dialog was great.
I recommend you re read it, and edit it. Some capitalization in names and use this https://prowritingaid.com/ to help with some of the grammar in the conversation. . Once you have the chapter re edited and added to use this http://www.hemingwayapp.com/. Any sentences that are to long or awkward fix. i hope you post your final story here https://www.minds.com/groups/profile/902525707628482560/feed?referrer=Talon123 and ask for rereview. Sometimes I am not on this site for a while and would like to re read it once you have more completed.

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Good start

Can I suggest using https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go?redirectToDocs=true it is free. Some of the technical or wording might change when you re read or edit the completed story so that it reads or flows better.
The start of the scene you might want to open up with a date when the lady is reading the paper. I went from that scene to thinking 1600s? Thanks for sharing.

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Dear Anne

The story of letters written to oneself on her birthday brought about her life, her story, and her past growing up, and ideas of a past.
The entire story plot of Anne’s life in letters gave way to a brilliant story. That the character grew up and over time told her adventure of life. The story was written out one birthday at a time with feeling.

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Great read. Wonderful story teller

Great read.
Some of the detail is well thought out.

Some of it you should re read or edit it to make it more about your style
A suggestion
Use this application first for length of sentences http://www.hemingwayapp.com/
and then use this to fix any grammar https://prowritingaid.com/ thanks for sharing.

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I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing.

I got right into your story. It held tight. Some questions or maybe thoughts. vampires drinking 13 times a year, etc might want more detail or not.
The way of handling gods is interesting concept. A suggestion run each of the chapters 500 words through this process 1. https://prowritingaid.com/ Words along with ideas flow your story flows. The question of the flow is thoughts. Meaning? You are writing like you talk and it makes for a great read. However, check yourself and see if what you are saying might change or be viewed differently with either a grammar change or reworded. MEANING? The story stands tight by itself however your thoughts might be expanded or changed with a different point of view.
Then Hemingway Editor use this and correct each sentence structure and or make your ideas more vivid by breaking them down and detailing what you feel needs more explaination. Meaning? Hades knowing vampires feeding habits sure. Why 13 times not 12 times? The vampires I recall seemed rather lonely and maybe they just ate out alot more for the pleasure of company? I don't know these days.. Once you want more readers please consider dropping your link here https://www.minds.com/groups/profile/902525707628482560/feed?referrer=Talon123 tag m @talon123 so I can re read it to see if what I suggested made any changes to your story. It is a great story. It read well. Maybe the detail or changes I think are just part of my imagination.

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great first chapter

The writing is well done. The speed or pace of the action well placed. Some of the ideas: religion, marriage, politics, are clearly thought out in the authors head.

I would suggest re reading some of the pronouns. Her instead of He or maybe I misunderstood.
The sentence structure is well done. However, I would suggest http://www.hemingwayapp.com/ might make some ideas pop out better. Meaning there might be more vision imagery or a better thought that could be broken into more detail.
When done with the above idea of going through and adding some detail. I would suggest this https://prowritingaid.com/ some of the verbs, sentence structure might be done differently to help the reader understand.
Finally I have problems finding things to read, and often times lose track of where I am at, or who I am talking with. so repost here https://www.minds.com/groups/profile/902525707628482560/feed?referrer=Talon123 and ask for @talon123 sometimes I reply sometimes I am elsewhere.

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great start

The story was interesting. It is good start. Maybe if you read it once and looked the verb tenses it would make more sense to me at times.
Can I suggest running the story through this free https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go?redirectToDocs=true

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Great start to a interesting novel

The story held my interest. The character I could feel for. And most of the plot held up. A few suggestions read through it once more. There a few places if you edit one or two lines makes the story flow better. A suggestion maybe an introduction to Joshua or who that is. Otherwise a great story. This helps me in grammar and sentence structure. https://prowritingaid.com/Free

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Thanks for sharing

Thanks for sharing your story.
I believe you are mandela effected. You are using rouges instead of this time lines rogue. https://www.thefreedictionary.com/rouges use https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogues_(anthology)
The story of wolves is interesting is it not. Here the wolves are among the sheep.

1. suggestion use this free application to run through grammar https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go?redirectToDocs=true
2. Re edit some of the wording. Meaning? Read the story out loud and here the words. If they make sense to you then it is okay. If not? Maybe edit some of the conversations just a bit.

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Great start

Great introduction of characters and story.
The story is well defined. The ideas are well placed.
I believe you translated this from a different language.
Two suggestions.
First Translate your work into Russian via Google translator then into English. https://translate.google.com/
The reason most languages when translated into Russian seem to add more detail and context. Meaning some of your words are off or the sentence misses a word. While the translation from Russian into English usually has more detail to it.
Second use this https://prowritingaid.com/Free to work on sentence structure and grammar. The whole story is good.

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