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This was an excellent story! I enjoyed it. :) There were only a few teensy weensy spelling mistakes, and some character description inconsistency in the beginning. Your use of vocabulary is wonderfully refreshing. I like your OC, too. This one should be on the top of the list. I would recommend this to any Silmarillion fan who has a general knowledge of the characters you mention.Read the story now
To the one who writes for the Balrog Slayer
Good job! It's a very nice story, and I enjoyed reading it.
The way you write for the Elves makes them friendly, happy, and relatable. I like that.
I also like the touch of humour you add with the "potions."
I think that the first half of the story and the second half are slightly removed from each-other, in that one focuses on the arrival of Thranduil, while the second focuses on Legolas. Thranduil's arrival doesn't seem to me very important in this story, because he doesn't actually get there in the course of the plot. This makes the build-up to it rather useless.
Your grammar is very good, aside from the fact that you want to work on capitalizing title names like "Elven lord" for example.
I like the second half better. The ending is very nice. I also like how you use the kenning "Balrog-Slayer" for Glorfindel.
Hello, fellow Finrod lover :P
As a fan of Finrod, I think this was a very enjoyable story to read for me. I'm new to this website but not to fanfiction. It was, in my opinion, an excellent expansion on Tolkien's summary of the event. You described very well the emotion/thought path that Finrod goes through/experiences upon seeing the Edain.
If I had to take you to task on this, I would say that you definitely needed to proof-read/double-check it once more, there are quite a few spelling/grammar mistakes.
Also, I would tweak the dialogue a little to make it more fitting for the ancient time of the story, (the way they would speak then,) and the misunderstanding of the languages.
I would recommend this story to hard-core Silmarillion readers, people who would know what this story was about, and also to Finrod fans.
I hope you find this helpful!
Stay awesome, and keep on writing! ~EverElven
There were a lot of weird word choices and really strange grammar mistakes. It's like you were trying to write in an old-fashioned style but it just turned out awkward. Like, the sentence structure, it's just off (most of the time.) Besides the fact that the innuendo and sensuality turn off a certain category of readers, I think you just need a Beta-reader or an editor.
I like the last sentence, and the descriptions themselves if you ignore the grammar.
I'm not exactly sure why this one is on the top of the list.
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