Gracie Tello

While You're Gone

I love how intricate and complex your story is, and even though the story is written in third person, the reader feels a close connection to Silma. There are lots of grammar mistakes, typos, and punctuation mistakes, but I love the story you are telling. I really liked your writing style. It gave the story this almost ethereal feel. Keep up the good work!

His Mate

Good start to your story! You create a very intimate feel from the beginning that is really great. Make sure that your verb tenses are all the same. Two helpful tool for catching typos are Grammarly, or Google Translate. For Google, just copy your story into one side and have it read it back to you. I find it helpful because it helps you hear how your story will sound outside of your head. It will enable you to improve flow and catch mistakes that you wouldn't notice otherwise. This story has great potential! Keep up the good work!

The Princess Entourage

Very creative! There were a few typos that made the story difficult to understand (like once where you wrote Stella instead of Isabella), but overall the story is well put together. I like how you portray the tension between Ken and Marie. It seems very natural. Also having the "flashbacks" kept the reader interested and really gave good insight to the backstory without ruining any of the tension. Good job!

Seven Little Queens

This story is truly amazing. The characters are so aptly described that I feel like I know them after only reading a few sentences.
There were a few random typos, but the punctuation was very well done. For example, in chapter 3 you wrote "on punished Kat" instead of "on punishing Kat.", and "the loved Kat" instead of "they loved Kat."
Besides this, it was truly wonderful. The plot is engaging and really exciting, and I can't wait to know what happens next.

L'Audition

I love the plot and style, very captivating. The verb tense wavers between past and present, especially in the beginning of the story, but the sentence structure is very good.

The Frame

A very good hook. You should add more to it. Be careful of typos, though. Like except vs. expect. Otherwise...it's a very good start.

The Seamstress

First off, good job. Writing horror can be especially challenging, and you have really started this off well. (I also love the cover you made.)
When it comes to first person writing, make sure that Electra only thinks or states things that she would know or think, unlike writing with a narrator. People are usually not very self-aware, so including that in Electra's perspective will make her seem more relatable.
Feel free to let your readers connect the dots. It can often be tempting to overexplain or explicitly state things to ensure your readers understand. Though it is important for them to not be confused, if you let them make the conclusions themselves, it will give them a sense of accomplishment (and encourage them to keep reading.)
Don't be afraid to really mess with Electra's head. The more confused, disoriented, scared, and trapped she feels, the reader will feel as well. I'm not sure if you've heard of it, but check into Stephen King's three levels of horror. It's a great resource.
The scene with the bride was really well done. It was so detailed and descriptive and was very built up. Keep up the good work! (I can't wait to see what happens next)

Intriguing and Delightful

This story is very well written. The intricate descriptions and vibrant characters pull you into the story. The WWII era was filled with huge atrocities and rapid cultural changes, but Smoke and Mirrors takes a more familial approach. It does an amazing job of representing the struggles that a normal German girl would have faced during the time period.

Peculiar and Familiar

Wow! You have done an amazing job of setting up your story. The way you build up the suspense is great. Your punctuation, grammar etc. is really good! I love how you can sense Mickey's internal struggle. Also you slowly grow the eerie, deja vu feeling, making the reader slightly apprehensive. Good job building up this plot. I love the intensity.

Winsome

I love the smooth style of this book, and how easy it is to see the different personalities of the characters in your writing. You do a lovely job of bringing them to light. There are several small words missing and flaws in punctuation, but besides that, this is a wonderful start. This could be a really exciting story!

Thrilling

This story is so well thought out. I love how you form the characters, and how the story is written from different perspectives. The sentences at the beginning were a little choppy and had similar structure, but as you got into the story, they smoothed out. Your grammar was quite good. Remember to put commas before coordinating conjunctions when they combine two independent clauses. Besides that, this was so exciting to read. I can't wait to see where you grow the plot from here.

Wonderful!

Very good! The descriptions and flow of the dialogue were very tastefully done. As an edit, in chapter 30 when you are talking about how Garrick's mother was married when she was barely more then a child, you have the word "barley" instead of "barely". The characters were really brought to life, and the switching between the two characters mind gave it an intimate feel.