Gracie Tello

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While You're Gone

I love how intricate and complex your story is, and even though the story is written in third person, the reader feels a close connection to Silma. There are lots of grammar mistakes, typos, and punctuation mistakes, but I love the story you are telling. I really liked your writing style. It gave the story this almost ethereal feel. Keep up the good work!

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His Mate

Good start to your story! You create a very intimate feel from the beginning that is really great. Make sure that your verb tenses are all the same. Two helpful tool for catching typos are Grammarly, or Google Translate. For Google, just copy your story into one side and have it read it back to you. I find it helpful because it helps you hear how your story will sound outside of your head. It will enable you to improve flow and catch mistakes that you wouldn't notice otherwise. This story has great potential! Keep up the good work!

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The Princess Entourage

Very creative! There were a few typos that made the story difficult to understand (like once where you wrote Stella instead of Isabella), but overall the story is well put together. I like how you portray the tension between Ken and Marie. It seems very natural. Also having the "flashbacks" kept the reader interested and really gave good insight to the backstory without ruining any of the tension. Good job!

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Seven Little Queens

This story is truly amazing. The characters are so aptly described that I feel like I know them after only reading a few sentences.
There were a few random typos, but the punctuation was very well done. For example, in chapter 3 you wrote "on punished Kat" instead of "on punishing Kat.", and "the loved Kat" instead of "they loved Kat."
Besides this, it was truly wonderful. The plot is engaging and really exciting, and I can't wait to know what happens next.

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L'Audition

I love the plot and style, very captivating. The verb tense wavers between past and present, especially in the beginning of the story, but the sentence structure is very good.

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The Frame

A very good hook. You should add more to it. Be careful of typos, though. Like except vs. expect. Otherwise...it's a very good start.

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heartbeat

Your story was so gripping. I can't wait to read the rest. I love how raw and real your writing style is, and the dialogue feels so natural. You do an amazing job of describing the situation but not overwhelming the reader with too much information. It was such a joy to read!

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Be The Crown

I really like your main character in this story, and even though it's only two chapters, there is a lot of good ideas here. Here are just four suggestions I have.
1. Your sentences have a slightly stunted feel to them, almost like they're forced. There are many things that contribute to this, but a good place to start is correct punctuation, A classic mistake is when you have two complete sentences joined by a coordinating conjunction (like and, but, or, etc.) make sure to put a comma before it. Another tip is to restrict the number of prepositional phrases in your sentences.
2. Be careful that the comparisons you make fit with your story. For example she says she was so desperate for work that she was willing to work as the first lady for a queen; however, we find out later that she has no knowledge, experience, or interest in the nobility.
3. Make sure to show us things about your story instead of telling us. For example, Venus tells us that Mrs. Courts is very religious and that is why she is so wise. Instead of telling us straight out, you can show she is wise and religious by what she says, does, and wears.
4. Don't be afraid to give us information. Often times it is fun to withhold information, especially at the beginning of a story, to inspire suspense in our readers. Just be careful that you don't withhold too much information. For example, you say that Mrs. Courts. often gets called to parties put on by rich hosts, but why would a simple, strictly religious woman be invited to lots of royal parties?
Anyway, thank you so much for writing. I think that this story has great potential. Keep up the good work!

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Peculiar and Familiar

Wow! You have done an amazing job of setting up your story. The way you build up the suspense is great. Your punctuation, grammar etc. is really good! I love how you can sense Mickey's internal struggle. Also you slowly grow the eerie, deja vu feeling, making the reader slightly apprehensive. Good job building up this plot. I love the intensity.

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Winsome

I love the smooth style of this book, and how easy it is to see the different personalities of the characters in your writing. You do a lovely job of bringing them to light. There are several small words missing and flaws in punctuation, but besides that, this is a wonderful start. This could be a really exciting story!

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Thrilling

This story is so well thought out. I love how you form the characters, and how the story is written from different perspectives. The sentences at the beginning were a little choppy and had similar structure, but as you got into the story, they smoothed out. Your grammar was quite good. Remember to put commas before coordinating conjunctions when they combine two independent clauses. Besides that, this was so exciting to read. I can't wait to see where you grow the plot from here.

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Wonderful!

Very good! The descriptions and flow of the dialogue were very tastefully done. As an edit, in chapter 30 when you are talking about how Garrick's mother was married when she was barely more then a child, you have the word "barley" instead of "barely". The characters were really brought to life, and the switching between the two characters mind gave it an intimate feel.

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