Gryphonstar

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Pacing issue

First off, I'm already intrigue by summary though I wish it was worded a bit better. The first paragraphs have a few minor problems particular with words missing. Not to mention the massive info dump on the character's backstory that. A lot of this could be spread out better among multiple chapters allowing the reader to take it in better.

I was a bit surprised to see each chapter so short. There nothing wrong at all with having short chapters especially in the format you have in later chapters, But the first chapter is so much more jarring compared to the others. I did enjoy what I read though. I would like to read more when more does come out,

What it really boils down to is a pacing issue. You are giving us way too much upfront and with that there little to nothing to keep us tied to our seats. A thriller needs mystery, we don't need to know everything right way. I'm not saying give us nothing, but rather give us just enough at a time to make us want more.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Really Good

The first poetry of life felt a bit rough with its first few lines. Feeling more like rap lines rather than poetry. However, the second page on divine certainly fixed that problem with a lot more meat and a kept a flow I could follow extremely well. As for the final page, it felt like a mix of both previous pages. It flowed well outside of two lines which felt a bit short.

Though overall the word choice felt very unique. I particularly like the third page as it felt like you were truly pushing your skills. In other words, page one on life felt rough, page two on divine felt almost calming and page three of true colors felt like you were pushing at your limits.

Either way, I did enjoy all three pages. I'm a bit rusty when it comes to poetry. Not saying that I never read it. I use to read stuff like this all the time but have been busy lately. I am glad you requested this one. I'm always a fan when it comes to alternate languages. Reading Greek was enjoyable and I loved your exploration of the ideas here.

This was fun. Thank you for recommending it to me.

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