Nice work
The story has a great start. It makes the reader read more and more. My advice to the author is to slow down the events. The story is already so great, but it could have been better if the next scene after the original first scene could have been an older girl having a childhood flashback about the mysterious man on the day of her parents' funeral. That way, it would not feel like time is passing too soon. And the reader could spend the whole funeral with the main character. That way, they could find how does she think, what kind of personality she has, who she is basically. This way, a connection could have been developed between the character and the reader. Every author has a different writing style, and your writing style is great. My other advice is to put ellipsis once a scene is finished, so it does not get confusing that a new scene has started. Otherwise, this story is excellent and has a good future.
Read the story now