Readers older than 12: don't bother
(I am a compulsive reviewer, so excuse the wordcount).
Read the story now
I stopped reading early on in chapter six. I forced myself to read as much as I could, otherwise it would be unfair for me to judge the material, but I think I’ve read enough to justify this review.
Based on the story, I’m confident you (the author) are still very young and because of that the story cannot be judged too harshly for being juvenile, it is only natural. Both you as an author and this material as a story, are not ready yet. I know my review will probably sound mean, but if you keep practicing you will look back on this story years from now you will likely agree that this story was premature. I hope you will see that my critique comes with genuine intentions.
These are my observations as I read through chapter 1 through 5:
Because I want to start off on a positive note, I will say this first: I thought the remark about “Reptillian hulks” was very humorous and grounding and this made me see why the story probably appeals to younger readers; it is a teenager's fantasy to suddenly be powerful, unique and important. Also, you have excellent vocabulary and grammar skills.
That being said, the problems, for me, start in the first chapter. Aside from the fact that it is a near impossible stretch for me to accept that dinosaurs were sentient beings, using weapons to wage wars against one another, without evidence of this showing up in the fossil records, the chapter is filled with unnecessary details and dinosaur references that take a person further out of the story. “After an archaeopteryx had done its job”, “Pterus, last of the royal Pteravius family”, “Colors of the flag of the Nithpoda royal family”… These do not add anything to the moment: The destruction of the body is not made more clear by explaining it as having been attacked by an archaeopteryx, because the casual reader does not know what this is. Knowing that Pterus was the last of the ‘royal Pteravius family’ does not make the reader mourn the character’s demise. And knowing that the colors are like those of the ‘Nithpoda royal family’ does not help readers imagine the colors any more vividly.
A similar problem occurs repeatedly in the following chapters. Dinosaur related terms are thrown in when they don’t add anything to the description. Instead, they are distracting at best, confusing at worst. You don't want a reader to stop reading to google terms.
Another problem appears to be an actual plothole. You’ve explained that the dinosaurs died but not before passing on their DNA in syringes for the next sentient species. However, it is never made clear how the DNA in these syringes is actually ever used and applied to the human race to create these semisaurs. The dinosaurs are dead, so who created the semisaurs? If this is something you intend to explain in future chapters, at least have a character acknowledge this gap in the logic, so the reader will wonder about the explanation as opposed to thinking you are trying to sweep it under the rug.
Some more specific points:
- Thought-speak is a jarringly out of place concept as a magical solution to a problem that needn’t have been created in the first place (you could have sold the idea of the characters communicating in dino-form through animal calls, or even have them speak as human). Also, providing a solution to a problem before first acknowledging there is a problem to begin with is really ineffective story-telling.
- One of the teenagers just whips up ‘holographic stunt doubles’? Advanced technology has not been introduced prior, nothing about the story so far has suggested that technology has evolved to the point where a kid can make ‘holographic stunt doubles’ using… using what? Can people do something like that with their smartphones in this universe? Or did he first collect all the necessary equipment (computers, projectors, etc)?
- Everyone accepts Alyssa as their leader after a single paragraph of discussion, while they know that she is hiding information from them? Especially Jamie not asking her any hard-hitting questions makes him a difficult character to take seriously. As the protagonist he should be more involved.
- Grammar and punctuation: Mostly excellent, save for a few typos and missing quotation-marks at the start of some paragraphs to indicate a character is speaking. I gave you full marks because it was nothing I consider 'serious' and didn't negatively influence the story, but I would still advise you to proofread one more time.
I wish you the best.