It's good, but it needs polishing.
I think the writer and this story has potential. I like the cute relationship the girls have, I like the sentimentality of what Gabrielle goes through after losing a loved one, and I like the girl power vibe. I think the plot is a little all over the place, and I wouldn't advertise this as a mystery. It's definitely a drama. There's a lot of punctuation errors and sometimes one of the female protagonist's name, Gabrielle, will change to Gabriel. Author, please correct your own character's name, otherwise with that and the mixture of poor punctuation and spelling errors just makes the writing look lazy. Also, the shooting from chapter five was so random, but I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and assume that will come back later in the plot and the dots will connect. The story is a little unrealistic in my opinion. One of the girls was so upset about her broken phone but didn't have PTSD after her ex teacher shot up the goddamn place and threatened to kill her? I can't suspend my disbelief. I admire the girl power in the scene, for sure; Ava is a badass, but realistically, there's more complications in a situation like that(with her assurance of the cops coming or not), but that's just my opinion. I enjoyed chapter eight the most. I think it was well paced and really added the extra "umpth" needed to move the story forward. It was sad but neccesary for the story to continue. Again, I think it has potential, and I am interested to read what happens next to see if that teacher is actually going to get his revenge. Let's see what happens in LA. I have hopes for you. Happy writing and update soon!
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