Promising, but needs improvement
I really like the story you've got going on, and I'd love to read more.
Read the story now
The only two issues I see here are grammar, and overloading.
By grammar, I mean that you sometimes change the paragraph even though the speaker doesn't change, don't capitalize some words that should be capitalized (Your chapter names, for instance), minor grammar errors here and there, and some misplaced or missing punctuation can make it difficult to figure out what's happening.
By overloading, I mean that you're giving a lot of information to the reader without a lot of context. For instance, in the first chapter, why is Magnus being chased? Who is Magnus? Who is Naomi? Why is Naomi there? Why can she shadowport? Is there magic in this world?
Making your readers ask questions is great, but making them ask too many, while not offering answers isn't. You have a great big universe that you've constructed, so what you might want to do is to ease your readers into it. Provide some description of your universe before jumping in, for example. In the beginning, I got the impression that this was set in a medieval-ish setting, but the trench coats and sunglasses told me otherwise, while Imperial Knights and God-King sound archaic. You've got things within your universe that clash, but without explanation, which is something that needs a lot of fixing.
Otherwise, I really liked it! This is very promising, and I wish you the best of luck in finishing it!