Kai McKay

Basildon

Do you like fantasy? I like fantasy! When I’m not working at my day job I enjoy writing about Fantasy, and maybe some other stuff once I can get around to it 😂

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INCREDIBLE

I loved every bit of this book! Your way do describing the fight scenes especially the beginning fight was extremely well done!! I loved reading your work and I can’t wait to read your next one!

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Beautiful

This is a beautiful representation of what illness is, and how it’s not the same for each individual person. It all comes in shapes and sizes no one expects. And it definitely get the point across. I loved it!

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THE BEST!!!

I’ve taken my time reading this piece and I for one LOVED the relationship between Carter and Josh. This has been one of the best fan fiction retellings of Until Dawn I have read, and I can’t wait to read more of your work!!!!! I usually don’t agree with OC’s but this to me was really well done!!!

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I’m loving it so far, but edits are needed

The first chapter of any book can be daunting, and you prove that the first chapter can be as smooth sailing as a boat ride. The first chapter reads well, save for a few spelling / wording mistakes and I enjoyed reading it :) looking forward to reading it later on and seeing how Jane’s friendship / relationship with Luca will develop!!!!

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I enjoyed it!!

Okay, this is my review of your prologue. For one I really did enjoy your chapter, I liked the concept of both Crystalite and Startanium, unique names for metals in my opinion. I like the concept of Seventy Six people being turned into Demonic Creatures (The Numbered), and I think that the idea for it, while not original, is unique in its own way. It has an anime feel to it which I expect you already envisioned.

For things I think need improving, I would say the spelling and the pacing of the chapter are the two big things that hold the story back. If you ever need my help with any of this, I'm always free to give advice and even co write parts of the book with you. My advice would be to use a spelling/grammar check, poor spelling and grammar can make or break your story so it's a good idea to try that out.

Something I think should have been elaborated on more would have been the King himself, while he did play a short part in this chapter I think someone who ruled a Kingdom at least deserved a name.

As a whole though, I think this story shows potential. It's definitely a fun read and I look forward to read more of it.

- K.M Blue (Kai McKay)

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