Mike Kavanagh

Forsaking potential careers in acting, music and stand-up comedy, Mike took a job in recruitment. However, his desire to entertain cannot be subdued and he now channels this energy into novel-writing.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Exciting opening chapter!

Hi LoneStorm,

This is great! Wasn't too sure what to expect when I started reading, but you set the scene well, including some beautiful descriptive writing that created a wonderful atmosphere:

"A violin played somewhere far off, accompanied by the gentle lapping along the port docks."

You quickly got into the action, which is really important for hooking your readers, and I felt real panic and concern when Lucy was captured. Then as suddenly as it started, she was rescued by this thrilling stranger... and so the story begins!

Great characterisation of Lucy and Natsu, instant chemistry and mystery... I haven't read the whole novel yet but what I've read so far has captured my attention and I'm very happy to give this a 5-star review.

Best of luck with it!

Mike
Born Of The Flame

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Eloquent and moving

Hi Elysian,

Thank you for sharing your story here! It is eloquently written, warm, moving and full of intrigue.

You start with a powerful opening; setting the scene well and then suddenly disrupting the calm with an attack on our main character. The scene where Eralie speaks to her mother for the last time is heart-breaking and you convey the emotion so well that we are drawn into the story.

Your professional writing style means that the reader becomes absorbed in the story - I can easily imagine finding this in a book-shop and hopefully one day it will be. Best of luck with it!

Mike
Born Of The Flame

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great world-building!

Mai, you have strong technical writing skills and you use your wide vocabulary to good effect, drawing the readers into the story as you paint a vivid picture of your world.

I really enjoyed your naming conventions as well, as you showed us how time is measured in this world, who the different factions are and which forces are at work.

One thing you may like to consider is how you open the novel. There is so much information conveyed in the first few pages as you set the scene, but perhaps some of that could be drip-fed over the course of a few chapters. Most publishers are looking for something that starts with a bang, so it's crucial that you make an instant impact. I had to cut 1000 words of my opening chapter for exactly the same reason!

That aside, I've thoroughly enjoyed what I have read of Rose and Sun so far and you should definitely keep going with this. I hope one day I will see it in a book-shop!

Mike
Born Of The Flame

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation
Book Club Member
Grand Novel Top 10%

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.