KenWrites

Skillful writing expressed in an intriguing story!

Lovely beginning with the rain and the weather. I liked the action-packed flashback you used effectively as an intro. I admired your vivid detailed descriptions of poetic feel. You have skillfully used flashbacks to connect the past to threads of the present. Ness is an intriguing character to follow around. Oh, did i forget? The talking snake part adds another intriguing dimension to the story i thought was gripping. There is an eerie feeling to this story that gives it a pleasant uniqueness. I enjoyed reading it. and i must say i admire your skill in telling Ness's story using the present tense and you've somehow inspired me to give that style a try in my next novel.

Intriguing beginning that speaks of a great story to come

I am delighted to see that you have a way with words. I enjoyed the way you weaved words around. You left me already believing this is going to be a very good story when you finish it. I can see Clara is holding on to love, even in the midst of disappointment and fading hope. You started with a gory opening, which i thought was interested, and it drew me in. However, Ma, you might want to take note of these few things i noticed.

1. It was kind of confusing for me to know who is who, as i read through the story's beginning. You might want to make it clear to the reader from the beginning, who those people speaking clearly are.
2. I found it hard to know if the person telling the story is a male or female. You might want to clarify this as well.
3. Is this about two gay lovers? If so, make it clear.
4. Try to be consistent in the tenses you use. If you want to tell the story using past tense, then be consistent. If you want to tell it in present tense, then be consistent. Mixing up both tenses works against clarity. You want your readers to be clear of what they are reading about to some extent, right from the start. And when you get comfortable doing that, then you can go on to experiment new ways to create suspense in your readers, right from the start, by giving away very little or even nothing. That comes with practice. I would suggest you keep it simple and straight forward in your early stories.

I think your concept has the potential to deliver an interesting story when you're done. Please try to keep the above suggestions in mind as you rework this chapter. By the way, i love the descriptive skill you have shown. I see you have strength in that area. Keep writing!

A moving tale full of energy!

I love how you began this story. It made me go on to read more. Your characters are distinctly contrasting in interesting ways, i think. Your story got me thinking of the Lord Of The Rings, while i was reading it. The writing flows and i think your ability to describe things is one of the biggest merits you bring to this story. I enjoyed reading it. Any plans to get this into a movie when you're done? I think this story line will make good TV as well.

Fascinating

This is such a nice read. I enjoyed reading it.

Interesting story

You have an interesting story. I suggest you take sometime to get it edited. I noticed inconsistencies in the used of tenses. Also put your dialogue in quotes. For example: "I am not coming," JeetZ said.
I enjoyed reading this story though. Keep writing.

Interesting

Well written and interesting. Just needs little editing. Story is awash with topical issues in today's world.

Interesting Start!

I have enjoyed reading THE CEO so far. However, i will say the story needs to be edited to capture inconsistencies in the use of tenses. You have to make a decision on whether to tell this story in the present tense or in the past tense. Keep writing and never give up!

The Assassin's Beast

It is never easy to write a book. And so i always admire it when a writer writes and tries to bring characters to life. What an amazing talent to have. And you have it.
I managed to get to the end of your story, though i am not a very big fan of werewolf stories. I think there are already so much of those sort of stories around that you might want to seek an exceptional creative way to make your own really stand out.
Your story can use some editing. I see it is needed to spot typographical errors i saw in it.
You can tell a story, no doubt about that, but i suggest you get into the habit of reading more widely and exploring other subject matter areas that can be the main focus in your stories. This i think can help you become a much better writer. This is only my opinion. I may be wrong, and other readers may see this story in a different way.
Never give up and keep reading and writing. I believe you have what it takes to successful. All the best!

Good attempt!

Good attempt to write a good story. I enjoyed seeing the enthusiasm a family has for welcoming back one of it's own, a son. I know this story is still unfolding and i can see from bits and pieces of the first two chapters, that you are capable of telling a story. However, these two chapters could use some editing to get them improved, fix a few grammar issues and tense inconsistencies i noticed. Be sure to use the quotes when a character in your story says something. For example: "I have not seen my brother in years since he went to school to study photography," Kathy said. Another thing i see you need to pay attention to is incorporating some details in your description. Your main character goes into the kitchen to see her mom cooking. Readers might want to know how the kitchen is, what is in there, what are the things her mothers is doing as she cooks, what kind of dress is she wearing? These are just examples. There are lots of things you can choose to bring into making some details so your readers can better appreciate your story. In other words, 'show' the readers as you also tell' them. Your story so far contains lots of 'tell' without 'showing'.

I can see you have the talent. All you have to do is to make sure you read lots of novels and short stories, and you will see how these things are done. Then you can go on and start to try them out as you write. The more you write, the better you will get, and i believe you have what it takes to improve the way you write. Never give up and keep writing! Good job!

Lovely!

I noticed a big improvement in the way you write. I am happy for you. This is an interesting love story from the perspective of a delusional drug-dependent protagonist engulfed in enchanting love. I enjoyed reading it. I also noticed a bit of inconsistency in your use of tenses., much fewer than the first time i read this story. You write much better now. Keep writing and keep improving. All the best!

Interesting!

I enjoyed reading this. I love the suspense smartly built into this story. You want to know what comes next for sure. Interesting! Keep writing!

One of the best I've read!

Lovely poetry. Sharp and witty. I enjoyed reading it.

Engaging!

Interesting story line about a band. I love the flow that comes with reading your words. You're not afraid to keep it real in terms of the cursing - I can tell you people really talk that way. Just make sure you correct some inconsistencies in the use of tenses. Otherwise i think you have a very interesting story here. Keep writing, and all the best!

Interesting!

Interesting chapter. It makes you want to know what will come next. The egg thing in the story is fascinating, i think. Keep writing.

Interesting twists!

I enjoyed the twists and turns in the story. I was never expecting to have the protagonist pushed into the river. Wow! You are quite poetic in the way you write, and i like that you are able to bring that style into the story of a troubled little girl, with delightful ease. This story can use some light editing in few places. Lovely beginning to what i think will be an interesting story. Keep writing!

Interesting story!

I believe you know how to tell an intriguing story. This is another good one. Please i suggest you try to get some editing help. That will help with fixing the wrong capitalization issues in the story. Editing will help to put the commas in the right places, the full stops in the right places, as well as take care of some grammatical issues in the story. You know how to tell an interesting story. Keep writing!

Intriguing!

I enjoyed reading this story. I found it intriguing from the start. The more i read the more interesting it became. Good editing can take care of the capitalization errors, lack of full stops and some grammatical errors i noticed. In all, i enjoyed reading your story. Keep writing!

Interesting Concept

The way you started your story is excellent, but i could not connect with the plot as i read on. The writing stopped flowing like i prefer it to. You have a good descriptive ability though. All the best.

Interesting and touching!

This is a touching story of a suffering and homeless young woman battling against all odds to survive and thrive. Interesting opening paragraph, though this could be better written in an active form rather than in a passive form. You have a good way of describing things i like. I enjoyed that the story slips in and out of flashbacks, a skill i can see you are good at. I enjoyed reading about Hafsah and her ordeal. And the story can benefit from light editing that will take care of some word omissions and few spelling errors. Good story!

Suspenseful and action packed!

I love the intriguing opening of this story. I also love the action through which the entire story takes off like a cannon. Your writing style reminds me of mine in some places. I could feel and enjoy the interesting energy you bring thorough the narrative. You also have the sort of descriptive ability i admire. I have enjoyed reading it so far and i am sure the chapters to come have the potential to be more interesting than the ones i have read so far. You have an action packed and thrilling story here.

Interesting Concept!!

Hello Iesha. This is a nice story. I like the concept you are trying to establish. Mr. Lu with psychiatric issues and how he is a big danger to his patients. You have started this story and i congratulate you on this. Don't give up on this story. You can turn it into an amazing story. You might want to however, consider these few points i noted while reading your chapter. They will help make your entire story much better when you're done.
1. You omitted words in some places - General editing can take care of this though
2. Look out for places in the story that need commas, apostrophes and full stops
3. Your dialogues or monologues have to be in quotes, eg "I am not responsible," said Mr. Lu
4. Try to be consistent in the tenses you use to tell your story. If you want to tell the story in the present tense, then be consistent, and if you have chosen to tell it in the past tense then be consistent. Don't mix up both tenses.
You have a good story idea, but you need to go back and fix some of these things i have mentioned. Knowing how to do them will increase your writing ability. Keep writing, Iesha. Lovely story idea!

Interesting!

Your story has a captivating beginning, and i like the mysterious feel to it. What i have read so far is good. But i noticed inconsistency in the use of tenses in some places in the story. Careful proofreading can take care of this. I think you are quite talented. Keep writing and never give up.