Kontesa89

My favorite genre is horror and fanfiction. Favorite music is rock ,mostly 80's stuff like Guns'n Roses,Skid row,and Motley cure , but I like the new stuff like Asking Alexandria.

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Conflicted love

I liked the unusual aspect of the story . Where Damien wasnt human being.I would realy like for you to write another chapter where you explain what does he do for a living , and since he is not a human. When you mentioned the sunset , its wierd , i canot explain ,but aspect of sunset is so serene .Yet i canot find the reason behind it. I realy liked that you mentined bands like Green Day and Panic At the Disco , cose i listen to similar music.Aspecialy in these day world full of BTS opsesion. The only thing you should pay atention is to keep you writing in 5 line row paragraphs the.rest.is amazing.

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My life with Cerebral Palsy

I heard about Cerebral Palsy,so sad you had to go thru all of this.But look on the bright side,you can write .And your writing is beautiful. You had a litle mistake where you left out some words,but moustly it was flawless.All the information about it were immaculately put together.

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I'm not letting her go

You succeded to write the emotions of someone losing their loved ones. Creating a solid plot line around.You built your characters on solid foundations.I loved the reference on growing young when you lose a parent.I contemplated myself in that age.I feel like when your life is solid during that age you are oblivius of how unfair and donting the world could be. The growing up seems to mold us making us firmer.And tragedies , hardships seem to be taking a bit by bit , and we can one day look at the mirror , and not recognize a person .But life is a constanct change , and the caos we see can be putting things in order.Someone once said "i know i am adult but i miss someone refering to me as their child".

This is a apstract subject , human pain because of loss. Fear of death , or someone not being fisically ready. That thing can change a person.Like for instance your main protagonist was a chearleader , but isnt anymore.

Which brings me to the fact how are psychology works in traumatic situations.We canot change so we change ourselfs. A midle age woman talked about changing her hair color from blonde to red, cose that was the part of her identity. You portrayed father as a mystical character.I mean yes he is in the surface ,or atleast percived by his daughter as a distant cold harted person.But is he really , and what made him like that. From what i can see in first two chapters his daughter doesnt know much about him . We are all diferent and show care in different ways ,but some of us are just damaged ourself , can't give what we havent take as a child.

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Oneshots

I liked the "His maid chapter the best . It was extra smuty ,but sweet as well. Stepfather was funy , aspecialy the nickname.Although i like a good smut, or erotica this section of it never amused me.But, like i said people remarying hot.people kindof drserve it so 😄😃😃😅😋. So mama had it coming, or should i say cuming 🤔😘😂🤣. The thing i would like the emphasize here is punctuation, specifically comma.

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Depressed Souls

While not having expiriance atleast not to that extent in writing poetry, i did have in judging it for contest on wattpad.So from my expirience i will tell you this, first two poems are not so good. First you need it to rhyme and second ,you need a poetry to convey a strong feeling. As you moved forward , I saw a progress .I could feel the sensation of feeling inadequate in Perfect Child , and universe made me think of a guy i see my self in Alternate Universe.I believe no person,who had unrequited love and read this was left untouched by it so go towards that and you will have sucess.

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Fredoom

You built adventurous atmosfere , and your writing is unique. But i also noticed you have alot of grammar and punctuation (comma to be specific erors). Work on it you have already nice constructive plot build up , and book will be amazing. It gives me "Dragon Age" vibes dont know how you are familiar with it ,but besicaly action Fantasy game with bards and witches Etc.

Also Pov is mainly used for someone's of how the certain situation revovled , dont include dialougue in it

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Broken girl

I could totaly relate to her while reading this. The timeline is different though , to me the bulying happened in middle school. In my case there was this specific guy that didn't feelt that it was beneath to atack a girl.He had this pawn also.I remember my first crush telling me i was arogant, while he pulled a prank week before ,and overall treated me bad.Sometimes when you remember you blame yourself , why did you let. Your book is good just don't rush things. Like for instance when you explain, i think you over explain some part the smalest details. But yeah the plot and the build up drama is good.

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Victorius

I noticed that you dont tend to put your lines in sentence format.Its just continues .Imagine a person speak , like realy speak your line .This.person would have to have a hella stamina. Then u have the commas problem u tend to not used them before the words that mark separate clausules like "and" and "but".Alto you do use them in other ocasions. In some situations things are litle rushed.Like for instance when her brother comes to her room , and just leaves the.moment after.I like the 3ch.Plot build up, with all the univited guests. O wish you would give.more work into building up your main character more.And others after . But, so far we only know that she is good with weapons , that is it. Father character gives me the vibes of father of the year poster guy. While mother is just snooby. I like the detail that she has a twin brother .I dont know however what is his deal, maybe he is a lot under the influence of snooby mother.I like that you are building this culture , like the mariage tradition situation.

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Rhe Wrong Train

This is a good book.Love the intruduction ,hate the main character.Weĺl a litle bit , because she tends to sound like egomaniac at moments. You have a litle grammar problem and more of punctuation problem , commas to be excact .For instance u forgot to put them before words like "and" "so" because this words are a sind of merging two diferent clausules.Overal its good for a first book.

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Clifhanger

I really loved the intruduction . Writing in third person , just to switch to a first person in the next given oportunity. Details about a main girl protagonist are so welcoming, in this case served in smaller portion. Giving a little bit of info just to make a reader interested, but leaving the rest for latter. Onother thing you do so well, is discribing her physique. Readers like to know approximately how do characters look. Now to a part you need to change , which is not a major wory is punctuation and grammar. Well more punctuation than grammar. Like for instance you wrote "eye liner" instead of "eyeliner" . Then there is so many missing dots ,and commas when u have separate clausules after and,but, after , when, of, . Those are usually words that indicate separate lines. Like for instant:

Lizzy took her purse on the way out, but she forgot the wallet on a table.

Get it .

Its a part when you are transitioning to a diferent situation in sentence. Sorry if i explain it rugh , but English is not my first language.

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The Green Grass Fox

Personaly i like a good adventure book .l,but i dont like this fast paste. You are all in action, and that seriosly criples the chance of a good plot.Everyting needs to be delivered in slow paste.Even the.vilian has to have his motives. I hope the.lather chapters convince me.otherwise

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All You Need is imortality

I like how the story develops slow .The subject of Transhumanizm scares me and intriugue. I would Okeanazis ,i hope i said it right is an old soul .If the prospect of past life is viable ,it would make him someone who reincarnated so much.I like the idea of ethrenal life , not because death scares me , but put it in a inviroment where someone smart , unlike this situation where they made people superficial , someone could right their wrongs.Alto i love Echart Tole , i have some situations i would love to corect. But then again , as a person who grew up with semi religiusnes of my family i always though of eternal life as something scary and meaningless.I guess this book made question all this confronting aspect of myself

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Desires

I realy enyoi a good smut, but i dont like dady kink so much.I wonder are you interested in request for smut .Like with a certain person as a character. I realy like when there is someone famous involved. While the writing could be inproved , adding a plot line, names, characters so we can imerse.Tiny grammar fix.

Missing alot of punctuation , and you could put in 5 lines peragraph it would be sweet. And yeah i guess some people like it , but please dont make every chapter Dady king , s&m

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Everybody loves Josh Bennett

I love the way you seem to jugle between author narration ,and first person way of telling the story.I especially love the intruduction.The pain of unriquered love is written with such care, that reader can feel it.As well as the main protagonist desire to move on , that he tries to get rid of something that reminds him about that person in particular. Your description , and building of characters is highest level.There is one thing , and I think it's not a major thing.Its your punctuation ,namely commas. Moustly noticed not being after wards like "and" "but".But that's it i didn't notice any grammar mistakes. I really empathize with Josh character.I hope he finds someone who will love him in the same way.

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