LauraLMH

Lights in the Night

Dear Greg,
The strength of this book lies in the continuing mystery of the UFO lights above Maryville ,Texas and the character of Trevor, who comes from UK seeking deep understanding, although making money is needful because of his situation. He never values money over insight, and as the weird and weirder character set unrolls before him, he unfailingly gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and helps when he can, while still trying to heal the hole in his own heart. This novel was far out, with multidimensional beings among other phenomena, but it never seemed impossible to the reader. Instead, it pulled me forward to the surprising conclusion at (excuse me) light speed. I don't usually read sci fi/fantasy but I will look for the sequel since I am fascinated with Trevor and his approach to life. Great job!

cheers,
Laura Hoopes

Unusual story and method of writing

This novel is a series of monologs. It's easy to imagine it as a stage production in which each actor breaks the fourth wall and speaks from the heart to the audience. There are scenes, but they are described in the words and emotional responses of each of the characters. Florence Kelley and Clayton Pryor grow up hiding their real feelings and trying to please their parents, suppressing all of their real needs and desires. Finally at 30 a crisis arises and they find each other and then Jesus Christ. Through the dramatic form she chose, Rachel made the emotional story come alive and carry her message about Christian life. Some may think she should show more and tell less, but to me this strategy worked very well.

Winner Boone

Hi Sara,
This book was fascinating, emotional, moving, impressive. I loved the intricate way Eric moved around the edges of Sal's life, the wonder of Boone's caring presence, the views of Half Moon Bay. The only thing that reconciled me to having Boone end was the idea that it's the start of a series of books, Yay!! I have a few comments on your mechanics, maybe because you wrote too fast to think about them. I'm going to put those into a message to you on Review group page. Basically, you need to use the Word grammar checker as a backup proofreader if you can. The piece flows like honey but every so often there's a glitch. You don't want that, I'm sure. But the book is awesome and should be made into a movie just like Sal's novel in the book. Keep writing, for heaven's sake!
best,
Laura LMH

OUTSTANDING LOST SOULS

This novel is crammed with suspense and with characters for whom you must root. Kidnapped children, were forced to marry a sadistic man, one with a hidden ulterior motive not revealed until near the end. Thrusting spokes into all the happiness wheels the runaway Mary and her two children encounter, their kidnapper and his collaborators hide behind the scenes until the climax. The plot maintains and ratchets up the suspense throughout, and the reveal at the end has all the satisfaction of both surprise and resolution, as it proves to me a great deal more extensive than expected.
My only beef with this wonderful book was the grammar. Perhaps it was proofreading, but often the verb forms chosen were incorrect. It was distracting. Using Word's green grammar highlighting would help.
Here are a couple of examples: …her children would freezing to death.
Sadly, his only blood brother had no intentions of marrying, and Cole Senior never remarry.
There are verbs and a few other mistakes in word usage sprinkled throughout the book. It's a great read though, worth a few grammar glitches. Best, LauraLMH

Always

I was immediately drawn to Storm the shy writer. I did want a little more physical description...when Hunter recalled her long hair it surprised me. Hunter seems just another handsome guy so far, but I'm sure we'll get to see his complexity in later chapters. I loved Storm's quotations and her optimism. Concern for her friend Laura was well described and provided a possible unterior motive for the flight to meet Hunter 20 years later. I thought the plot so far was mysterious and complicated enough to hold my attention and make me want to read more. There were some strange comma placements that confused me at first.

I think this is a very promising start to a novel and I'd love to read more. Thanks, Laura

The Way We Are

The story "The Way We Are" is fast-paced and holds interest well. The characters are interesting and the plot twist is unexpected and convincing. I am not a reader of erotica but the amount of it in this story didn't bother me. I especially liked the character of the young girl, whose behavior changes were shown very clearly and seemed convincing even before the plot twist appeared, then fit into it perfectly. Jae's character is a bit one-dimensional but the story focuses on the girl and her nanny who are well=developed.

I wished that the story had been written in consistent past tense. For some reason, the present tense use threw me out of the story a few times. There were also a few grammatical errors that I suspect Word would have marked for your consideration if you'd tried the grammar menu.

Overall, though, the concept and the writing were both impressive. I enjoyed reading your story.
sincerely,
LauraLMH