Leah Gray

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Sweet

This was a very sweet haiku. I think it wonderfully captures the image of a beautiful mermaid sitting on a rock in the sun. It brought me back to my childhood and the wonder of mermaids.

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Great start

I've never read the original but I really enjoyed this. The tension was built up really well and it definitely shows the nature of this place and this training as well as really showing a lot of Dustin's character. There's a few little grammatical errors those can probably be picked up with a quick read over. This definitely seems really exciting and it'd be interesting to see how Dustin approaches the 30 days survival.

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Exciting

I should say I've only read the prologue but I think this will be a very exciting tale. It will be very interesting to see where this goes. There are slight moments when some of the sentences do come across a bit like stating instead of showing. The sentences seem separate and don't flow on to each other. I like that it doesn't necessitate that the three children will meet, it leaves a bit of intrigue to it as to where it will good. They are three children with very different and their paths could all go very different ways. I'm sure it's going to be a very interesting tale.

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Good lesson

I really enjoyed this, for the style that you were trying to achieve in an Aesop's fable you did great and as with all there was an important lesson to learn at the end. I think I would've liked to see a little more Zodiac influence in there, at times I forgot that the ram and scorpion had a more particular reason for being the characters. Apart from that though I thought the rest was great, it was a nice story with a good meaning.

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Brilliant

It surprised me that she was only fooling him and I think that's a better way to end than the one I was expecting. It twisted what I thought of it. You really built the tension up well, with the little notes on how she had been raised and with her plans and then when the man came home that scene was great The personality of the woman was really maintained well. I think it's tricky to pick a tone like this and stick with it the whole way through but you did it brilliantly. .
This is a bit more of a pet peev on my part but I don't think you need 'the end' at the end of the story. The end is for fairytaless and this story leaves on such a good note of impact it takes away from that.
Anyway I loved this, I enjoyed this character and seeing justice done to the man.

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So eerie

I was waiting to see where this would go and it shocked me quite a bit when I found out the true nature of the masks. I love how it all appeared so innocent right up until the end, it twists what you think of them and really adds to the surprise. I normally hate horror, honestly I'm sure why I actually decided to read this because I stay away from the stuff, but I loved this because it wasn't chocked full of suspense and terror and gore and I think this is a great bit of horror for people like me. I absolutely loved it really.

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Creepy

How creepy, that last line just said so much and added another layer of depth to the story. I thought the idea behind this was great and I was curious to see where their conversations would lead, I didn't expect it to lead to one committing suicide. I think you built the tension up well, everything happened considerably fast but it was smooth and didn't seem abrupt and there wasn't a lot of unnecessary information. Great story.

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Brilliant.

I loved this, the ending really highlighted the idea of persepctive and what really matters. I also enjoyed his this story got to the point, it didn't ramble on unnecessarily or give details that didn't enhance the plot and I think that really helped to emphaises the meaning. It was just brilliant.

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