LenaPresents

I don't like Inkitt. So bye~ (Find me on Wattpad)

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Nice

The part that says it is night currently is followed by "It's very sunny," which is confusing. I'm not sure if that's sarcasm. If so, it's awkward.

I assume there's supposed to be humour in suggesting that Julie is having family problems. I don't really get it. If I'm understanding where the humour is supposed to lie, it might be better to imply grandfather or grandmother problems explictly, or make a joke about personal garbage problems instead.

The oblivious target part made me tilt my head too. Is the emphasis that the protagonist is the one being snuck up on (if so, "I" should be italicised, not "the"). Or is she making a joke that she is a specific target ("the") as opposed to any target ("a")? If the latter is the case, then the joke doesn't make much sense.

I noticed a couple of grammatical/punctuation mistakes in the first part that can be easily caught and fixed. The second part was funny. The third part was ridiculous (in a funny way).

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Overall Rating
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Grammar Punctuation

Only formatting issues

The extra spacing between paragraphs in the first chapter should be fixed. Italicising thoughts or interenal dialogue is best,

Paragraphs containing dialogue can be long when actions of the speaker break up their dialogue. But if it ends in narration and then the next person speaks, it's best to make a new paragraph. For example, the part beginning with "Domesticity" can be a new paragraph because the speakers then change.

I also think in some place you use commas, you should use dashes. If you aren't sure how to use dashes, googling it will pull up advice.

Everything else is fine. I like how you end chapters on an anticipatory note. It keeps readers interested.

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Overall Rating
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Promising

It started out very difficult to understand. I think that's because the backdrop wasn't properly set first. I didn't understand the first paragraph until I got to the second paragraph. The first and second paragraphs would be better switched or interwoven.
Other parts of the first chapter were difficult to understand and I thought it was just because I'm not used to fantasy. There were descriptive words I didn't know and figured they are jargon common of the genre.

But the second chapter was much more straightforward and easier to understand, I liked that style better. Descriptions were there to enhance not fluff, which is nice.

Cara is characterised well; you can really grasp at her. I feel the pacing of the story is also nice.

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Overall Rating
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Nicely done

The first couple of chapters I was really lost, but it looks like that's what was intended. I kept reading because I was sure the next chapter would clarify things. It was quite interesting. The melodrama and cliches were great.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

What would be a promising plot is overshadowed by descriptions

Imagery is nice, but descriptions need A LOT of work. Too much description piled on is off-putting and ends up either being ignored or struggled through. The right amount of gradual description allows the reader to create their own mental image so they can enjoy the actual story more.
Descriptions inconsequential to the plot or non-enhancing to the scene/narration should be removed (e.g. 3 windows, detail body descriptions). If they are involved in the plot or enhance narration, it'd be better if phrased in more general terms or more vague terms, with no fluff. One adjective or attribute per noun is usually enough. If they are necessary for the plot, they are better introduced gradually, here and there through relevant narration or paired with actions. If the point is that the character is beautiful, just saying the character is beautiful comes across as less superficial.

Lots of technical errors, but those can be dealt with after the writing style is fixed.

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