LenaPresents

I don't like Inkitt. So bye~ (Find me on Wattpad)

No published stories yet

Not following anyone yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Only formatting issues

The extra spacing between paragraphs in the first chapter should be fixed. Italicising thoughts or interenal dialogue is best,

Paragraphs containing dialogue can be long when actions of the speaker break up their dialogue. But if it ends in narration and then the next person speaks, it's best to make a new paragraph. For example, the part beginning with "Domesticity" can be a new paragraph because the speakers then change.

I also think in some place you use commas, you should use dashes. If you aren't sure how to use dashes, googling it will pull up advice.

Everything else is fine. I like how you end chapters on an anticipatory note. It keeps readers interested.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Promising

It started out very difficult to understand. I think that's because the backdrop wasn't properly set first. I didn't understand the first paragraph until I got to the second paragraph. The first and second paragraphs would be better switched or interwoven.
Other parts of the first chapter were difficult to understand and I thought it was just because I'm not used to fantasy. There were descriptive words I didn't know and figured they are jargon common of the genre.

But the second chapter was much more straightforward and easier to understand, I liked that style better. Descriptions were there to enhance not fluff, which is nice.

Cara is characterised well; you can really grasp at her. I feel the pacing of the story is also nice.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

What would be a promising plot is overshadowed by descriptions

Imagery is nice, but descriptions need A LOT of work. Too much description piled on is off-putting and ends up either being ignored or struggled through. The right amount of gradual description allows the reader to create their own mental image so they can enjoy the actual story more.
Descriptions inconsequential to the plot or non-enhancing to the scene/narration should be removed (e.g. 3 windows, detail body descriptions). If they are involved in the plot or enhance narration, it'd be better if phrased in more general terms or more vague terms, with no fluff. One adjective or attribute per noun is usually enough. If they are necessary for the plot, they are better introduced gradually, here and there through relevant narration or paired with actions. If the point is that the character is beautiful, just saying the character is beautiful comes across as less superficial.

Lots of technical errors, but those can be dealt with after the writing style is fixed.

Read the story now

No reading lists yet

Final Round Participant

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.