Hi! I saw your request for reads and thought I would take a look at the stories you have posted. I've only read the first couple chapters, but I'm hoping that I can still provide some valuable feedback.
Read the story now
I think my main question for you is, who is your audience? I'm wondering because it feels like there are some conflicts between your writing style and content. Stylistically, I would assume that you're writing for children, maybe 8-11 years old. Regarding content, though, particularly with the pop culture references and the romantic focus, it would better suit a YA audience.
I like that you break the fourth wall with the meta-acknowledgements of the narrator that he's telling a story, but I think it can also come at the cost of some complexity and the "show, don't tell" rule. For example, by having him introduce all the main characters at the very beginning, you deprive the readers of the experience of meeting them organically. I like the detail that you've put into your setting and the background of the characters and story, but I think it might be more interesting to weave those details more subtly into your scenes. There's also moments when you could use more sensory detail. Right now you have strong visual detail, but what about sounds, smells, tastes? Those can all contribute to a reader feeling like they're in the scene, instead of being told a story. Instead of saying that the palace is luxurious, you can have Spiny do something that specifically displays that it's luxurious. Your readers will understand without you having to spell it out. Character traits can similarly be expressed-- someone might be smart, athletic, shallow, etc., but it's more effective to put them in a scenario that displays that trait than to directly tell your reader and eliminate the need for reading comprehension.
I hope this review has been helpful. Best of luck with all your endeavours!
Dovetails and dragon claws,