Mannbyte

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Another brilliant work

It has to be said that among many of the top stories in this contest, White is able to produce a work of brilliance both in scope an execution. This is a clean product that's been hammered and polished with care and consideration. The story itself is the thing fantasy is meant to be. Magical and epic with a couple of characters that puts you firmly in a world of whimsy and beauty. If one thing can be said about this author it's that he manages to weave in a wonderful sense of the tragic along with the romantic. That's no small feat. Overall this is an engaging story that is hard to put aside once started. Do yourself a favor and don't miss it.

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How?

How does this have some many likes? The story is broken, the punctuation confusing, the characters ridiculous in their motivations. I could hardy read this except without completely losing grasp of the point of the plot. I mean, there's the potential for a good story, but the author is incapable of constructing a clear plot line without reverting to cliched character arches and silly conflicts. I'd been introduced to this website through a friend, but if this is the best that can be offered (by way of votes) then I think something is sorely amiss. There needs to be an editor somewhere in between this and the publishing for the public. First place in this contest and I can't help but think there's a popularity contest in the running. Poor. Poor. Poor.

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Intriguing start

I have to admit that I was uncertain in the beginning of what the story was about. We have a tired man, a man tired of being tired. The long descriptions of how tired he was and how done he was with life almost lulled me to sleep. I was, in essence, tired of the story. Yet it does pick up, and suddenly, out of nowhere. I strongly feel that the end of the Prologue needs more more of a setup. It almost feels as though it were tacked on as an afterthought. I'm somewhat reminded of Terry Brooks' "Magic Kingdom For Sale Sold' as the protagonist is wholly done with life until a fantastic change turns his consideration. Unfortunately this Prologue doesn't have the needed subtly. We're almost beat over the head with how tired this man is with life, how life had changed the way he views himself. It left me wanting more. Why does this man feel this way, what has happened in his life to make of him such a curmudgeon. This isn't to say there's nothing to be done the story. There's a wonderful framework here, a rough draft that needs more, more characterization, more world-building, and more setup.

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Exceptional horror/fantasy

You Bury Me is one of those stories that truly stands out as something of unique worth. It's told from an intriguing point of view, fourth person maybe? I'm not exactly sure how to state it, but the execution makes this a riveting tale. It's told from a collective voice, of all the people who'd experienced the story, and it portrays the disquiet and terror with convincing clarity. I've read many fantasy/horror stories and none have quite managed to hook me as this one.

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