Medley_Cafe

Abu Dhabi, UAE / Midvaal, SA

I'm Melinde, 22 years old and a photographer, painter, writer of poetry and fantasy; I love adventure and thus love scuba diving. Follow the link to my Pintrest account

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Loved it!!!

I absolutely loved this!!! When can I read more? Please tell me there's sequel...!

I felt myself dedicated to read it from the moment I started! It really was just that good! So glad that work is minimal that I could finish it!

There is minimal grammar mistakes, one or two every few chapters but really only the slightest of which I hope the feedback reaches you as I only see black on the edit box so my typing might be off as well.... and had to guess where the send button is too.

Hands down! You can give yourself a proper pat on the back day at the spa, or race track or pool or beach or whichever sounds the best because you deserve it for writing such a brilliant dystopia novel!

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Fantastic Read!

From the moment I started reading I loved it!

I love the fact that you added some detailing pictures as it helped visualize some aspects and allowed you to give less attention to some of the details and at the same time it helps remember some details too such as rank and station/faction.

Just once again an overall fantastic read! Already following you on wattpad as I have to find out who those masterminds are behind the 'fake' war!

Thanks for sharing your writing with everyone!

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Would love to see more

Hi would love to read more poetry; so let me know as soon as there's more up to read!

There's only one for now; but it seems like I'll enjoy reading your poetry, it's good!

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First time reader

The is the first time I'm reading any of your works, and well, I'm hooked, tomorrow I'm getting all your books!
This was fun and intriguing, it drew me to read more, and I hate not reading more right now!

This is one of those stories, you'll spend the entire night to finish than daring to put down the book! Or at least for me that is!

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A story to dig into!

This is going to be a great story to dig my teeth into!

There wasn't one moment I wasn't trying to scroll down faster to find a good part to resume reading! That deserves praise!

Besides a few misplaced words or phrasing mistakes, the story is a brilliant read.

Be sure to have a good reread through to get the kinks out and it'll be sure be a hit!

Can't wait to read more!

PS: Will update review as I continue to read.

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Going to love it!

Besides a few errors such as referring to something that is belonging to someone or something remember to use 's after wards such as (only an example) Ella's Dress... and when it already ends with an 's' you can just use the ' at the end such Salis' knife. This was the only few thing I could notice happens a lot.

Now on to the rest of the review!

The story has just started and like with the first book, I can definitely see that this is going to be just as timeless to read, as you continue writing and re-editing along the journey of the creation of this second book!

I love how you started the story, it was what drew me to read the rest of the first chapter! And now want to see it through to the end.

Hope to see more chapters up soon!
(Will adjust review as I continue to read)

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Never Old

I've read the story like 3 times and each time I find that hasn't gotten old reading from the start (hope to finish reading this time, before getting side tracked again)!

It's really well written and thrilling to read!

I love how you describe you characters and how you bring them together!

Well done! And thanks for a great read!

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Colorful

I thought this was really colorful! When Monster Mozart brought the little piano to play to the dragon, I could almost hear the sounds that represent color to him, I could imagine the dragon's wonder starting to ignite a desire to see what lies outside and beyond just the cave!

I would have like to hear the rest of the story instead of ending at just the first chapter.

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The Strugle Is Real

I'm sure anyone that is anyone has at one stage had this type of fight within them (I still have - when writing something that goes a bit against my believe or morals, or when I was still in school and was bullied, when get really mad or really sad the only person that can talk me back to 'sanity' is myself)

We all have that 'split' personality, the one we use to justify everything everyone else why 'what' and 'that' and 'this' goes wrong and even tries to convince us, while the other person within us is the one that fights and re-encourage us to stand back up and throw another punch (Metaphorically speaking)

You showed us a creative example of this very real struggle!

Keep on writing!

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Teary Eyed!

Reading this I had to keep my tears of first sorrow then of joy from spilling, not wanting my co-workers to see me crying for apparently no reason! This was a really nice short piece to have quickly read in secret while at work!

I love how you reunited Chihiro and Kuhaku and how you made it possible to be together forever!

Would love to see you extend the story with something more, like them actually getting married, or them with a family of their own, little children ~ bouncing here and there and everywhere ~ (Sorry for the up the gummy bears).

Just once again: Very well done!

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Curses!

Curses, this is good! I loved the quick read it made me want to watch Ever After High - as I didn't even know of its existence!

I like the fact that you made sure that Milton's guilt is intertwined from the start to ending of this one shot story. I could not find any flaw in it; grammar or otherwise. This makes it a sure 'easy to follow' story and the flow of it is balanced just write!

Though I'd almost want the A/N to be out of the way - Never a fan of reading those!
My own opinion, though.

Great job!

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Loved it!

I love this poem,
there's nothing left to say!

Nothing more than words
that can not be expressed!

A simple thought,
an emotion stirred
and I'm moved to know
that the art lives on!

Hope you don't mind me smacking together a small something of my own to express in some ways hoe much I loved this, I find very few poetry now a days that still give me goosebumps! Those that can wrote it are artist, but then again; beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so not every poem strike the fancy of ever other person.

Hope you continue on writing!

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Enticing

By far my favorite of the three poems I saw you have! I was almost singing it for myself!

Though if I may suggest a few changes that will make it flow even better?
1st line make 'eye' 'eyes' as to rhyme with skies.
2nd line end it with a full stop
7th line "to see magic things"; make 'magic' 'magical'
9th line "tho dragon"; I can understand not using 'though' completed, so perhaps write tho with a ( ' ) at the end.

That's all.

Once again really well written, it really made me thought of wonders and of night!

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Love The Temperment!

You've put in a lot of skill in showing off Angel's air of confidence in her own skills as well as her rebellious nature! Ironic that her name is Angel when she clearly isn't, and that I think makes it so much more of a read!

Angel doesn't appear level headed, but she is dedicated and so one cannot but love her temperament!

I love how you've started off the 1st chapter and will continue reading indefinitely!

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Too Emotionl! I Love it!

I only read the first two chapter, but tears never stopped flowing!

You have a gift at tugging at core emotions for this kind of 'to die but lived because of love' stories! So keep it up!

Only reason I did give full stars is because I want you to know you can always improve! So go out and make more people love these kinds of love stories!

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Could do with some proof reading

The concept and plot for the story is really good, and I would have loved to read more than just the 1st chapter, but first it need to be cleaned up a bit, especially where sentence construction is involved.

Instead of writing long in one paragraphs, try splitting it up between dialogues or the next big(ger) occurrence, such as where you wrote in ch.1 paragraph 2 near the end of the second sentence where you wrote "... the energy bullets bounced off, girl, "If you're going to kill them you have to go through me!", before he could..."

Try writing it rather as such:
"...the energy bullets bounced off of him. Then girl then spoke: "If you're going to kill them you have to go through me!"

Before he could..."

That is just one way of a few that could improve the flow of the story, improving it to a more natural way of not only reading but expressing conversation.

As a poet I would say 'more' is better and 'less' can be extraordinary!

To brake it down, add more detail about the surroundings, about the girls' appearances. Is the area an abandoned city, a burning flower field, a devastated town? Is the girls petite, fragile, starving in appearance or war worn?

Also try splitting the multiple points of interest into more chapters, and then rebuild on them.
For example you wrote about how Michael knew to find the girls, the suddenly he finds more 'Machine' companions to travel with, the a glimpse into his past and the all of a sudden the Machines and girls are found to be couples.

You can make four chapters out of just the one I read.

I believe to write is to brake down just as much as one tries to build, and then to reconstruct around that.

It is as a sculptor who chisels out a perfect image out of stone or wood, a poet who constructs a piece of literature out of one moment in time, to impose some sort of wisdom on the reader or spark a passionate emotion within them. It is the same with story weaver and their dreams. The potential is there, you just need to find it and bring it to the surface, where the light can shine on it and everyone will be able to notice it!

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Can make do with some proof reading

Your story's plot is over all good and I would have loved to read more past the first chapter, but must say that it needs a good clean up first, especially where your sentence construction is concerned.

For Example:

Chapter 1 at paragraph 2, near the end of the second sentence -
instead of writing as follows:
"...to block as the energy bullets bounced off, girl, "if you're going to kill them you have to go through me!", before he could answer..."

You could already improve by writing as such instead:
"...to block the energy bullets that bounced off of him. The girl then spoke: "If you're going to kill them you have to go through me!"

Before he could answer..."

That is just one way of a few that will indefinitely improve the readability of the story, to make it flow more naturally.

Try splitting your long few paragraphs into more shorter paragraphs, as a poet I would say 'more' is better, and 'less' can be captivating!

To explain on that, you can add more details of the surrounding.
For Example: Is it a devastated town? Is it lush with greenery? A deserted city? Is 'once beautiful flower fields' burning?

Try adding to it and then breaking it off into either more chapters, or build it into a one concept longer chapter, with the next to follow the next concept:
For Example, one moment they were still on their way to escape, then they found more 'Machines' then suddenly a part of the Michael Valkyrie's past is revealed and then suddenly the accompanying machines and girl are couples.
Try splitting these mentioned concepts to chapter and build on them further by adding details.

I believe writing a story is to build just as much as to break down and the reconstruct around that, thus something small can become something great! And the potential is there, in your story you yourself just need to find it and carve it out as a sculptor does with wood and stone, as poets with the smallest of thoughts and a story weaver does with his dreams.

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A Rare Find

From the moment I started reading it I had to finish it! This is something I would buy straight off the shelve of any book store, and it's better than half the books I already have on mine! (and I have near if not more than 300 books - not counting my mothers library now)

I loved every sentence and every character; and every word had me drawn to this new world!

Need I say more?
Only that I hope more readers take the chance to follow this epic tale of "Prophesy Six" and where it leads Liora and all those around her!

(Not going to spoil it for anyone)

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Addictive

This was addictive to read; I enjoyed it from beginning till end, never once stopping until I realized I was finished and now wishing to read more really soon!

A few suggestions that can bring even more depth to it that can even be paired with this first part as a side story would be Faulks and Drianne's relationship; Edie and Racell's relationship; also in ch 9 Ninian told Story she hadn't forgotten about the girl... I'm guessing it's the girl beneath the tree... which was never then again mentioned but I suspect id the first Dreamer...? Did Ninian tell her anything? What did she tell story about the girl? These are some aspects that can be built around to bring some extra depth to an already fantastic story!

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Thrillingly Chilling!

Every word elicited chills in my, it made me think back to the movie and envision the continuation thereof within the story you wrote. I could imagine everything play off before me, like a curtain being opened revealing the scenes to a surreal play.

I truly wish to read more! It was enticing!

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Excelent show case of Friendship in the face of Heroism

I loved how you expressed the young heroes' friendship!

How they both have their own fears to face and it revolves around their friendship in the face of the hardship that is being a hero!

Mostly punctuation errors, but at most place these 'errors' I see as bringing forth the true feeling behind how you expressed the characters!

Well done on a great fanfic story!

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Just started reading

I saw on profile you're South African born British...
I'm South African as well (praat jy dalk Afrikaans?)

Anyways, just started reading at so far it seems interesting enough, I will definitely read on further and update review as I continue to read.

I like your style of writing and so far can't find anything wrong, except that I love Japanese themed stories/characters and that was what caught my attention first!

For now my rating are very generous, but will change as I read, maybe not at all...

All I can say for now is hope the rest of the chapters are as 'locking' as the first was!

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Another Good Vampire Story

So here I go, I love vampire stories and though Twilight seems to have taken to daylight I'm not a fan (I'm one of those 'Vampires do not sparkle' people!)

I love where the story is going so far though just started reading, there's a few chances that needs to be made; mostly conserving future/past/present tenses.

But nothing that hinders the story's plot and story telling.

I like that you make references to songs as well!

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Going to like this!

I know I'm going to like this!

I love your style of writing; it is inviting.

There's a few places where the words break the flow of reading slightly, but other than that I can see great potential in the story.

A good read-through will fix those misfit errors and some more insight of her thoughts near the end of chapter 2 will bring the first 2 chapters together to lock-in more readers.

I could almost feel Rosalie's sorrow in the first chapter, if not for the fact that you made mention that she is a necromancer in the summary, I probably would have felt the impact even more!

PS: I'll update my review & ratings as I continue to read more chapters

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Poetry! YEAH!

I love poetry and within the first 2 that I read I know I love your written voice!

It flows and rolls from the tongue and even gave me some goosebumps!
Poetry is something that so many take for granted. I find that it connects people's hearts, since true poetry is written from the heart even when we don't realize it.

And I think this has just proven that little fact of opinion to me again!

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Needs work.

The plot of the story is really good, but I fear that you lose some interest with other readers, due to the extremely past pace of the story and the fact that a lot of the hidden beauty of the story is lost on trying to get the story finished rather than making it as great as possible!

My best advice would be to break your chapters down at the changes of a discussion or subject and then to rebuild on that, thus creating a few more chapters (that may be shorter) but would bring some more live to the story.

Your 1st chapter is slightly better, but can still improve a lot, one subject I'd like to further touch on is where 'Jay' supposedly says he heard about the volcanic eruption on the news, then next Rosetta
mention him being part in saving her family from that very tragedy, meaning he didn't hear it from the news, but was there instead. this is a huge contrast that needs to be clarified. to either from the news, or from a rescue view, not both.

Onward to Ch. 2 - a few things I noted is like where Lila gather a water bubble 'on her hand' should be 'in her hand'. Also there where she explains about the triangles the par. is repeated immediately afterwards. Lastly I'd like to make note that you need to work on the part of Lila's speech after Rosetta used her Fyllomancy (excuse spelling if wrong) ; it's a bit incoherent and hard to follow as you made her 'blab' out seemingly random words, she's an instructor now, so see at least should be able to form proper sentences even when surprised.

Second chapter is packed with action it too can do with breaking it down to one or more extra chapters.

AS for Ch.3; how much of a hurry is Darby and Lila in to get to the Dragons? It sounded truly urgent in the beginning, but then you slowed it down by having Lila and Darby first explain how to walk on water while I think, them being as good as they are, they should be able to just have picked Rosetta up and carried her over, leaving the explanation for later (or seeing as Rosetta is supposed to learn as quickly some how have figured it out by herself, watching Lila and Darby who you could have running just a slight ways ahead of her). Then you slow it down by explaining about the platinum dragon before having Darby enquiring if she/he (the dragon) is alright. The next problem I noticed is there where the dragon cries, you first stated that 'it' felt gratitude towards Jay for protecting 'her' then tears fell from 'his' enormous face - is the dragon, it, a she or a he? Be careful with those type of words it can cause confusion for later on; especially if the very dragon that could now either be a girl or boy (depending on how the reader interpreted it).

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Truly Binding!

The author truly captivated me with his characters and with the season he portrayed; I could almost feel to cold radiating from the window's glass and the heat from the heater, or the crunch of snow beneath my feet even though I live in a place that would never see snow (the blazing sands of a dessert greets me at mornings).

He had made me long for that 'someone' who would cross the country by foot just to comfort me in my hour of need.

But on to more seriousness - there is a slight few grammar checks to be made, but nothing serious of itself, in fact the way you made it almost acceptable, as it brought forth some of those intricate moments that I loved, but on some other places it truly does need to be checked.

Thanks for such a nice quick read!

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Beautiful

I really loved this poem it's beautifully written. It makes me think of various magical creatures that live in the sea such are mermaids and sulkies, but also a fisherman who lived all his live on the sea and only wishes to once again be out in the free blue world! Maybe even a diver! No, scratch that, definitely also a diver (I should know, I myself scuba dive, and I long each day to go diving again, but work you know keeps us from some 'wants').

The sea is a place of freedom and dreams and it's expressed wonderfully through this poem in it's own unique way!

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Could do with some proff reading

I love the plot of the story and would have loved to read further than the first chapter, but first it needs to be cleaned up, especially where sentence construction is involved.

Try splitting the long paragraphs into shorter once.
Try adding details about the surrounds, the girls, the appearances of the various 'Machines'. is the area devastated, is t a flower garden that's up in flames, a seemingly abandoned city? IS the girls starving, are they war worn?

Then there is the multiple different points of happenings in the story.
First we find Michael 'awaking' to his former humanity with a mission to find these girls, then suddenly he finds more 'Machines' to accompany them. Then we have a glimpse of his past and all of a sudden we find that the Machines and girls are now couples.

You can split these scenes into more chapters and build around it, as a Poet, I'll hint at it being 'more' is better, 'less' is captivating...

Like with a sculptor who chisels out a work of art out a stone or wood or a musician that composes a piece of literature out of music, or a Poet who imposes a piece of wisdom upon a reader/listener or invokes and sparks a passionate motion within them, so to does a story weaver with their dreams... You have that in this story! You just need to bring it to the surface, to light where everyone can better see it!

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Could do with some proff reading

I love the plot of the story and would have loved to read further than the first chapter, but first it needs to be cleaned up, especially where sentence construction is involved.

Try splitting the long paragraphs into shorter once.
Try adding details about the surrounds, the girls, the appearances of the various 'Machines'. is the area devastated, is t a flower garden that's up in flames, a seemingly abandoned city? IS the girls starving, are they war worn?

Then there is the multiple different points of happenings in the story.
First we find Michael 'awaking' to his former humanity with a mission to find these girls, then suddenly he finds more 'Machines' to accompany them. Then we have a glimpse of his past and all of a sudden we find that the Machines and girls are now couples.

You can split these scenes into more chapters and build around it, as a Poet, I'll hint at it being 'more' is better, 'less' is captivating...

Like with a sculptor who chisels out a work of art out a stone or wood or a musician that composes a piece of literature out of music, or a Poet who imposes a piece of wisdom upon a reader/listener or invokes and sparks a passionate motion within them, so to does a story weaver with their dreams... You have that in this story! You just need to bring it to the surface, to light where everyone can better see it!

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Could do with some proof reading

I love the plot of the story and would have loved to read further than the first chapter, but first it needs to be cleaned up, especially where sentence construction is involved.

Try splitting the long paragraphs into shorter once.
Try adding details about the surrounds, the girls, the appearances of the various 'Machines'. is the area devastated, is t a flower garden that's up in flames, a seemingly abandoned city? IS the girls starving, are they war worn?

Then there is the multiple different points of happenings in the story.
First we find Michael 'awaking' to his former humanity with a mission to find these girls, then suddenly he finds more 'Machines' to accompany them. Then we have a glimpse of his past and all of a sudden we find that the Machines and girls are now couples.

You can split these scenes into more chapters and build around it, as a Poet, I'll hint at it being 'more' is better, 'less' is captivating...

Like with a sculptor who chisels out a work of art out a stone or wood or a musician that composes a piece of literature out of music, or a Poet who imposes a piece of wisdom upon a reader/listener or invokes and sparks a passionate motion within them, so to does a story weaver with their dreams... You have that in this story! You just need to bring it to the surface, to light where everyone can better see it!

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Could do with some proof reading

I love the plot of the story and would have loved to read further than the first chapter, but first it needs to be cleaned up, especially where sentence construction is involved.

Try splitting the long paragraphs into shorter once.
Try adding details about the surrounds, the girls, the appearances of the various 'Machines'. is the area devastated, is t a flower garden that's up in flames, a seemingly abandoned city? IS the girls starving, are they war worn?

Then there is the multiple different points of happenings in the story.
First we find Michael 'awaking' to his former humanity with a mission to find these girls, then suddenly he finds more 'Machines' to accompany them. Then we have a glimpse of his past and all of a sudden we find that the Machines and girls are now couples.

You can split these scenes into more chapters and build around it, as a Poet, I'll hint at it being 'more' is better, 'less' is captivating...

Like with a sculptor who chisels out a work of art out a stone or wood or a musician that composes a piece of literature out of music, or a Poet who imposes a piece of wisdom upon a reader/listener or invokes and sparks a passionate motion within them, so to does a story weaver with their dreams... You have that in this story! You just need to bring it to the surface, to light where everyone can better see it!

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Who Doesn't Love Pokemon!

This is the second Pokémon fan Fiction that I got hooked on within the first Chapter!

I must amend you for creating a classic setting from the actual Pokémon series, When reading Jessie and James dialogue it feels like I'm actually watching them all over bickering like in each episode! I'm curious to read more! And so will update my review as I continue reading!

So onwards to more technical stuff!

I honestly have not found any problem with grammar. The whole chapter flowed smoothly and was easy to read!

Great Job

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Top 10% in Star Wars

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