Meowmerida97

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Dark Humor

I love this story. I understand that this is supposed to be a horror contest but it is almost darkly funny. It's extremely ironic that the main characters of the story do, in our minds, a terrible thing, but the narrator chastises us for our failures with children.

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Diversify

I really do like your story. It's complicated, it's interesting, and you address a lot of problems that many of us will have to deal with in our lifetime. However, I feel that it would add more to your story if you slightly diversified your cast. All of your characters seem to be white men, and I'm not asking you to make eighteen new characters that are women and middle eastern, and Filipino or something.like that. However, if there were a huge amount of deaths in World War III than wouldn't racial group intermix to bring up the population? Not only that but this seems that there is only two female characters mentioned and one is dead. Also you can subtly add things like instead of saying that the Academy only allows men into saying that there are two separate academies. Or maybe say that this Regiment of Combat Nurses are mostly female. Something subtle that will connect this story to more people, and add some interesting things people can mull over. Like I wonder how this Regiment of Combat Nurses works, or maybe the psychic group that Master Tong's son will mostly be women. Just diversify your cast and your world in subtle ways. However I really like this story and its space age Lord of Rings feel.

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