MinaM

“Listen to them, the children of the night..." (Bram Stoker's Dracula) Passionate reader, writer and romantic. Loves strong female characters.

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Great start

An excellent start for a new story! Only one chapter online so far, but the author‘s great writing skills and the interesting charcters promise an intriguing plot. I also like the perspective- usually the protagonist is female, in this book however, we get to know a male teenage wolf who struggles with adult life. I find that a very unique approach and can‘t wait to read and learn more!

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Interesting

So, I've read the first two chapters so far, and I think it was interesting because you a created an interesting character with Mercy - she is tough, funny, she knows how to deal with things, and of course, she is also a mystery, probably carrying around a bag full with issues :-) I like that.
The beginning was a bit bumpy, I think you were more 'telling than showing'. One thing was excellent though: your spaghetti idea. I think that is a very good example of how to bring a character to life. This might sound weird now, but by including the spaghettis, you reveal at the same time a lot about Mercy's character (i.e. she is funny, sarcastic and hard-boiled). Chapter two became really good. Excellent pacing, mood of the situation, I really liked it!

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Family Love

I love the story about the family! You can feel how much they care for each other and the struggles they have with their father. Poor Klaus by the way. You really take your time in the story and create enough room for character development- Thank you! :-) I also love that the main character is not an Alpha but finally a Beta, what a great idea. And of course I‘m curious what will Happen with the girl ;-) can‘t wait for the next chapters!

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Young wolves :-)

I like the story because it describes two young people who have to find their place in an adult world. It reminds me little bit of those coming-of-age novels - your first love, first sexual experience, a new home, growing up, finding your path in life, etc. Instead of telling the usual story of a dominant male alpha, the reader learns about two young wolves who appreciate each other. I really liked the shower scene because this tender moment showed perfectly their feelings. Also, their first hunt in the woods was spectacular because the author made them act like real wolves.
One thing though, I would like to suggest: some words are used repeatedly, so it sounds sometimes like an enumeration. Maybe this could be avoided by thinking of different variations, or by describing a scene (showing) instead of simply telling.
I'm also curious about the story's main conflict - in other words, the driving force of the storytelling :-)
Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope to see more of it.

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A must-read

I just finished chapter 3, and all I can say is that you must not miss out on this one! Excellent writing skills, the plotline (so far) super intriguing and an outstanding example of 'showing instead of telling'. The general mood of the story and in the different scenes has been crafted masterly - it is haunting and eery at the same time. The characters feel vivid by the author's excellent usage of literary devices like metaphors and/ or comparisons etc.
I'm sure the upcoming chapters will be as smashing as the last ones.

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A different kind of fairy tale

First of all, I like that you use Little Red Riding Hood as a starting point in your story. It's always interesting, yet also difficult, to turn such a well-known tale into something new - so I'm very curious how you will handle this challenge :-) So far, I like your writing style: you can easily follow the points of view and the plotline in general. I love how you included the dream sequence - very mysteriously. And, you certainly take your time moving the story forward - thank you, it adds suspense :-) So, Iet's see wha's up with her grandmother, and of course, the strange man she met in the forest.

Beside some typos, I think this could be a good story - so I will follow :-)

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A well-known feeling...

I started to read your story because I believe that everyone can somehow relate to that sort of feeling when having a crush on your siblings' friends, or your friend's brother/sister, so I was curious since it reminded me of my teen-days :-) I also loved how you put so much work into developing all the relationships: especially Christian and Alicia have a strong bond and you did an excellent job conveying how much they care for each other. I said it already in one of my comments before, but I will do it again - the part with Maria and Enzo was my favourite because you handled the situation maturely. Well done!
One thing however, I would suggest: maybe stick to a slower pace. This could be done for example by focusing on not too many conflicts in the story. So beside Alicia falling in love with her brother's best friend, I thought it would've been very interesting to get to know a little bit more about the family struggle Christian and Alicia are dealing with. How does it affect their lives`? Their relationships with others? Their loved ones?
All in all, congrats to your story, hope to read more of them :-)

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Different

What I really liked about it, was the good pace of the story. In most other stories everything would have already been revealed in chapter 1 - here, you have suspense and the characters are not portrayed stereotypically. I thought the end seemed a bit rushed- maybe one or two more chapters. I also liked how you dealt with the sex scenes: not too much, and not too little. Many thanks, I had two great nights reading your story. Cheers :-)

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