Breanne Bergie

Brilliant

This Book is brilliant! I love every about it. There was new things happening throughout the story that all have you guessing what’s next. Lots of unexpected things I didn’t see coming and were eventually explained. I believe there’s more and I cannot wait! Just need to edit some, but that’s the only issue! Well Done author!

Heart wrenching, but so Good!

I absolutely LOVED how you tuned into everything that’s going on right now in this short story. It almost made me wonder if you, as the author, had lost someone like this because it was just THAT descriptive. It’s heartbreaking and so sad, but you got the message along brilliantly. Very well done for a short story and if you did more I would definitely read❤️👍 Very, very few mistakes. So just revise till it’s perfect, but remember the amount is very small. Well done!

Thrilling and Wanting More!

This story was truly thrilling! I Loved it! I loved it so much that right in the middle of the second chapter I didn’t want it to end! I wanted to envision more scenes. I love how you brought in a new character and you stuck with the sense of him protecting his child. No matter what. There was very few grammer mistakes. Very small amount. Otherwise, I loved it and didn’t want it to end! I would love to see more, quite honestly. You could even make a before book of Maria’s mother and the family together. What went on there and what happened. Maybe there were other things that had been done to protect Maria then as well. It was very well done! Good job my friend!❤️📖 Cannot wait you see what you do next!

Emotional Piece

This was a very emotional piece. I honestly loved it. It reminds me of so many relationships out there. They pull to want more from someone, but can never get it. This poor guy seems amazing and the girl just, in my opinion,is leading him on because she knows she can. It’s very well written for portraying that, but I wish this guy could see how much more he could feel with someone else. How is effort’s would be noticed. It would be so interesting to see his take on a healthy relationship instead of a toxic one. Otherwise, I absolutely left it and loved it for that, but I absolutely hate the girl for taking such advantage of a sweet human being.

Very Descriptive

I liked most about this short story is how descriptive you were throughout. You could really feel the emotion you were trying to portray. The only thing, like I mentioned in comments, is you need to go through and revise it. Make grammer corrections to make it truly complete. Other then that good job!

Like it

I really like how you see both sides of the characters. It’s not often you see that. It’s usually one sided. Good job!