Intriguing World Building
This is a very dense story. Not for a light breeze through as I had to read the first chapter, then the second then the first again to really understand what was going on. Once I caught on that the main character, Erin, couldn't actually go against some protocol or mandate set down by the society, I was intrigued by the plot and what might be going on. I imagine the world the author is trying to build is intricate and interesting. I would be interested to delve into it at greater length.
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The writing style could use some work- The sentence structure felt awkward, jumping between addressing the reader and explaining what Erin, knows and comprehends. Some sentences felt unclear or too long and convoluted to get the point across. Despite this, the style itself was consistent throughout and with some editing for clarification's sake I think the author could create a very unique and effective voice with which to tell this story.
Finally I think this story could use more description around the new aspects of the world especially why Erin doesn't/shouldn't/can't do or say certain things, as well as who the policing agent is, and why they are the way they are etc… It always takes a while to catch onto these things in a story with a differently set up society, and usually some of them have to stay a mystery for plot sake, but slowing down the plot so the reader can follow along would help.
I'd love to see how this continues, there's definitely good world building going on, and I'm intrigued by Erin.