This story is something! The twists in it makes it more and more interesting with every next line. Using first person, makes me feel like I'm sitting in front of the main character and listening to his story; it helps get into the story. It's a great piece of writing, and would be even better if you'd involve some dialogue. I'd like to see more of this story, especially the meeting with President.Read the story now
This story grabbed my attention, because of it's title. 'Suicide club', the title reminded me of a Polish movie 'Suicide room', and since I like that movie, I decided to immediately read the story. And thank God I did! It's great. The way chapters are written, one for each person, so far Lorraine and Cameron, is amazing. Because of it, the reader can get into the character and her/his story. Though, I'd advise to put some emotions in this. You wrote why they want to kill them, but it would do good to the story if we'd learn a bit more about the emotions built inside of each person. That would be great to do when the chapters about killing Lorraine's and Cameron's parents will take a place. Maybe, just a small idea, you could do some retrospection in the story, to show how they - parents - ignored Lorraine and Cameron, or whatever else they were doing that led both teens to join the club and plan such killing.
In chapter one, the first paragraph, I'd divide it in smaller paragraphs, starting with:
Lorraine checks the clock. 3.19 A.M...
At exactly 3:30...
Then separate sentences said by Cameron in the first paragraph. All this paragraph is too long, separate it - just a small advise.
I think you have an error in chapter 3 - Cameron. You wrote that he goes with Ivy to her home, but then you write 'Would you kill your parents?' Lorraine screams and throws her hands into the air" - Shouldn't it be Ivy who screamed?
You're just sixteen and you write amazingly for your age, dear. Hopefully, I'll get to see some more of your writing, especially this story.