Ensnaring and evolving
The bad stuff first, because there honestly isn't a lot of bad stuff and they're minor. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors. Like I said, they were minor but they did kind of nudge me out of the world your story creates strongly enough for me to notice. Very minor though and I can't remember exactly where because....I WOULD HAVE TO STOP READING TO DO SO. That did not happen.
In the beginning I was a little confused as to why you were basically telling two stories, one in the present and one in the past, but you're not. It's all one story and though some parts I could guess what would happen in the past because of what was going on in the present, you still managed to make it enjoyable. You also snuck in some surprises too! I'm not going to include spoilers but....oh damn, that Chapter Seventeen! I knew something along those lines was going to happen but....you got some tears out of me.
There's a lot more to this story than you'll see from the beginning. Keep reading and you'll see a lovely weaving of lives and stories. Excellent job!
Please keep going!
I started your series with book 1 and it was almost painful when I got to the end of Part 5 in Book 5 and realized this one isn't finished yet. It's an intriguing and complex world that you've created within the Harry Potter Universe and I for one am loving it. The way Leshia is growing and developing as a character and as she gets older is very believable and easy to relate to, which is a lovely touch. Once I started the story I've become emotionally attached to the characters and have to see it through to the finish.
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors but they don't detract from the work as a whole. Occasionally I was confused as to who it was that was speaking but it's gotten better from book 1 till now (I am horrible with dialog tags myself, my poor proofreader has threatened bodily more than once over it). Overall there is very little I can suggest as to improvement. Excellent story! Please please update soon! I need to know what happens!
That was not what I was expecting, it was a lot more. Excellent job! Have you considered continuing this? I know it says complete but after that taste I'd love to read more! I'm also curious about Nevil's parents too. The twist with the glasses of water was a lovely touch as well.Read the story now
Red tape. Can't even get away from it by leaving the planet.
Love your writing style, a very entertaining read. I enjoyed the premise but it was a little sparse on the details. A bit more description of the alien city and their trek back to the ship might have been good or more interaction with Mithran. After the build-up it was a little bit of a let down when he did meet the castaways and that was it. Overall though I really liked this one.Read the story now
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