critique regarding assault scene
I am very confused by the dynamics of the initial assault situation. The guy lifts her off the ground, I'm assuming from behind since she doesn't see him. Then he pins her down and covers her mouth. I'm thinking at this point she would be lying on her stomach, since otherwise he'd have to turn her around or she'd have to get up, which you don't mention her doing. She opens her eyes--you don't say so, but it's clear she closed them out of fear when he lifted her--and sees "what stood before me". If she is on the ground and he's holding her down with his hand on her mouth, how can he be standing? He should be sitting on top of her, right? And wasn't he behind her, not in front of her? Also, if she is pinned, how can she tell he's a head taller than her? It seems they'd have to both be standing for her to tell. Then from the rest of the scene it seems they are standing facing each other. If so, then she could probably push his hand away from her mouth and/or kick him. If she can't kick him because she's paralyzed by fear, or can't remove his hand because he has a supernaturally strong grip on her jaw, that's fine, but you have to write that in. I'd say "because otherwise she looks weak", but it seems from the rest of the writing that you want your protagonist to come off as weak and cowardly, so I'll just say "because otherwise her actions make no sense".
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Also, if she is living in a town where the last crime was a theft five years ago, it sounds pretty reasonable for her to walk home from work alone at 9:00, and I doubt most 17-year-olds can afford a car anyway. And there are some grammar mistakes in this story as well. And a line that makes no sense to me about how "messing with Brittany's men can lend her in jail"...you go to jail for boyfriend stealing? But what irks me mostly is the assault scene. I also don't like the main character's personality--she cowers and cries and never ever fights back--but maybe that is just because I am the complete opposite.