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The critiques are listed by chapter -- just so you know. :)
Today, You Died - Well this was unexpectedly unique. I like the location - I haven't read many pieces based in the Amazon. The voice is strong and humorous. I truly enjoyed reading this piece. I would give you some advice, but I have none. Well done! ^.^
Sapphire's Savior - Wow... That was amazing. How on earth you could grasp an entire story and such powerful imagery in such few words is beyond comprehension. The plot is amazing, the characters so powerful, and omg... I don't know where to start...
I'm not a big fan of dystopia, well maybe sometimes when my crazy imagination takes another one of its bizarre turns, but you've made me a believer today. This was just breathtaking. I hope you continue this story, because it has enough potential to evolve into a novella or a novel.
Darkness - This was a well-written piece of literature that I enjoyed. I cannot wait to read more works by you in the future. Great job structuring this entire piece. I really liked the way you used your words to give the reader a feeling of the circular impending death that the narrator faced. At first the third paragraph felt repetitive, but as I write this I understand it better. I'm guessing it was to give the reader a darker feeling that as soon as the narrator dies he (she) is thrown back into the turmoil and despair. Great job.
HIM! - I enjoyed this! =) The conflicting emotions and the simple yet meaningful lines tell a dark and passionate story. I truly enjoyed this story and I liked the descriptions and details.I also love how the clipped aspect of it gives off an almost poeticism to your story. Good job! =)
Cheddar's Christmas Tale - This was a refreshing boost of whimsy after reading the darker stories before it! I like how you've arranged your chapters. Anyways., this is adorable. :) I instantly fell in love with Cheddar Little. When Brie wasn't with him at the hole, I felt scared. It was a good story. :) If I had younger siblings I'd love to read this to them, because it's such a cute children's story.
Deadly Love - Interesting story...I liked this a lot! Your words flow very smoothly, your descriptions are great, and I absolutely love the names you came up with. Very creative, kudos for that. But, I have to know. What happens to Alucio and Draconite?! Excellent piece :)
Cure to Writer's Block - Well, that was certainly, uh, /interesting/. xD There were some points where you needed a comma or there was an unnecessary one added. Albeit it was strange, I can see the point you've made in this story, although I'll admit that /that/ never happens when I get writer's block. ;)
Words of Realism - This is a beautifully described story! The way that the relationship unfolded, was great! Thanks for the great work!
Lost in Translation - This is so cute and the translation at the end was so unexpected! Great job!
Love Never Fails - I really enjoyed this story. I liked the first paragraph. It really drew me in. I wanted to know what was going on. I enjoyed the whole evil and light idea and the way your ended just made me get those shivers. You know the ones that you get right after you finish an extremely good story? Overall, I loved this piece and I hope you continue this piece, because it has potential!
Agony - This was really interesting. The whole thing was very chilling. Your imaginative descriptions were very artistic and realistic. I could envision the characters suffering. I applaud that we were able to understand the entire thing and yet we still had loads of mystery. Overall, great job!
Well, I can now say that as a writer your forte is short stories and poetry. You're very descriptive and have a vast vocabulary. I truly love your writing and I cannot wait to read more of your writing in the future! I wish you the best luck in writing and life! <3
Medley of Emotions
I'll do the same thing I did with your haikus for your poems and list them by chapter.
I Am More - That was so deep and beautiful. You really brought out strong emotions in this piece, it made me smile while almost wanting to cry!
A Part of Me - Very emotional, you can easily see the feeling in the words. It almost feels musical, too... lovely. Brevity is the soul of wit; every word in place.
I Wish I Knew - Wow, this was so strong. It must be wonderful to feel like this. I know that whoever you wrote this for is such a lucky person. Your poetry is so very sweet!
Falling, Falling - The mood of this poem strikes me as lonely, someone straining to measure up, trying to perform, trying to gain recognition. It has a definite tone of sadness as well. It is also easily relatable for me and possibly anyone else too. We all tend to have our moments when we feel neglected, I know I do. Great poem!
Prophesy - This was very well written and very creative. Your word choice was exceptional. I loved the emotions conveyed in the piece. It had me hooked from the beginning. It was well spaced out, and structured beautifully. Very well done! :)
I Survived - This one seemed melodic and I liked it, but what did you survive? What was tough? It be nice if you could maybe expand just a little bit. You don't have to go into detail, but give the reader an idea of what you felt, and why it matters.
Like A Fool - This was so sad. I really connected to this, I've felt it before and reading this just brought those feelings back. Great job.
Hello, Little Dandelion - This was so cute! You did a really good job in such a few words, nice work. This truly made me smile! :)
Your Hate - My favorite stanza was the one where every other line was "me", I feel that was the poetic climax of your poem. The piece is swimming with emotion, but I felt that it was a bit cliche in places. Overall, it was a great piece though!
Evil, Evil, Evil - I love this poem and emotionally I do believe that just about anyone can relate to this piece. . We have all had that feeling of wanting to rid the world of all evil and only living in good and happiness. Overall, you have a great piece here!
All together, this is a medley of emotion brimming with grandeur and I simply love your writing! Great job and I can't wait to read more of your poetry be it haiku or otherwise!
I'll list my critiques for each one following the collections chapter index.
Petals of Time was so very beautiful and loved your concept of time!
Death, was so chilling, dark, and yet amazing all at once. It was quite enticing and gripping!
Darkness, was perfect and gave the impression of slowness, of waiting. Perfectly done!
The Tree, this one made me smile. I never thought of trees as wanting something. Very nice.
Time, this one was a strong piece. This reminded me of something a famous poet would write.
Them, a golden eagle? Oh gosh, I have no idea what it could be, but it sounded so very beautiful! Mm, now that I think about it they could be fairies? Am I right?
Fox, immediately I started singing What Does the Fox say. But it didn't say anything did it? It just, disappeared! Very nice.
Christmas Magic, you made me wish Christmas would just hurry and show its face! This was beautiful.
Yearning, I know this feeling all too well. This made me smile.
Snowy night, wowed me! This was so short yet so powerful. Who knew 10 words could emit such a strong and powerful feeling?
All together I love all of your poems! You're really an excellent poet too!
Incredibly Powerful Piece
Wow, this was riveting and such a powerful piece! A lot of people would be very afraid to write such a piece like this, but I have to say that is is wonderful and very refreshing compared to a lot of frou frou I have read lately.
Your writing is so awesome. I mean, even a story like this, dark and horrific was pulled off with such eloquence. The imagery was fresh and so perfectly put, it was like a movie playing. I could watch it piece by piece.
And wow, your description of Dezmond's eyes were so vivid. For once, I really thought he had a heart and would actually let her go in the middle.
Another terrific piece ! :D I'm looking forward to other pieces by you, because you're such an impeccable writer!
Creepy and Edgy!
I loved this! I loved your descriptions, because they were very detailed and had a sinister edge to them. Your story's idea is also a unique one and I love the title! The detailed imagery built the eerie atmosphere exquisitely, and the scene could be recreated in my mind in its entirety. While that’s excellent, I feel that more attention could have been placed on the intangible — say, for example, the fiend’s backstory, motives (other than hunger), accomplices, so on? This would have added more depth and interest to this story. Also, I wish you add written more, because I feel there could have been more to this and I wish the ending ended with more of a bang. Overall, this was written wonderfully, with a nice creepy, edge to it. I'd love to see you continue this! Great job!Read the story now
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