Bianca Heinz-Kurstermann

Rome (Italy)

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Enjoyable

Original plot and very well written.
Characters are realistically described, and the story flows with an excellent readability.
There is something I'd edit (I'd never begin a sentence with "to"), but I guess it is all that I can say about grammar, punctuation and writing style.
Paragraphs too are well divided.
Good reading.

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It's dark outside

It's dark, and darkness is everywhere. Ok. I got it. "Show, don't tell" is my advice. Too many questions. The writer should let the reader think about all the questions He/she shouldn't be afraid that we don't understand. We are not that dumb.
I don't know if the story has potential since I quit after the ninth "Dark/Darkness" in barely four short paragraphs. The reader feels overwhelmed by "dark/darkness" redundancy and unwanted questions.
I'm sorry. I don't like to write such ruthless reviews, but I'd like to read this story once edited.
Good luck,
Bianca

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Funny

Beautiful story. I had fun reading it. Description and writing style are quite good, although the dots (I'd reduce their usage). In the beginning, I wanted to understand more about the story, and then I realised I had read three chapters in an eye-blink.

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It has potential, but needs a good polishing

I was curious about the title. Unfortunately, the short blurb and missing punctuation and dialogues tags didn't help me to understand much about the plot. Paragraphing is pace-styled. Although those issues that should be edited, the writing style is quite good. However, it emerges after a few chapters. The story becomes hooky to late, but it has potential.

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Interesting reading

The plot is delicate and although that, the writer has been able to describe easily the feelings of the character. I guess it's a good book to read to think about women's issues related to their fragilities and their strengths.

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Good reading

The plot is absolutely exciting. I began reading the book thanks to the blurb.
It is well written and fast-paced story.
I'd recommend it because it describes well the scenes and I can understand easily what's happening.
Characters are well "painted" and realistic.
I like it.

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Nice story

I like reading stories on wizard especially when they are not an established community in their full power.
I noticed few sentenced began with "And" or "That" and I think the author should consider to rewrite those parts, as well as dialogues where sometimes I need to understand who is speaking.
With editing and a good polishing it can be a great story.
Bianca

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Not bad to be the first book but it needs editing and polishing

To be the first time this Author writes a book it is not bad.
Paragraph style should be polished and a bit of editing would help a lot in readability. Punctuation needs a review.
Plot seems interesting and characters are believeble enough, even if they should be structured a bit more.
I evalute it good because it is the first story, but I advice you to read all that you can about plotting and the Journey of the Hero.
It will clarify you many structures that at the moment are a bit rough in your story.
Keep going on writing and you will get five stars :)
Bianca

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It can work with a good editing

Plot is original and the story is hooking but,
there are too many dots...and dots should be always three.
Thoughts everywhere, maybe too many for a third-person pov.
I guess it has potential because I am curious to know what will happen. However, I'd like to read it misprints-free and with coherence in pov-inner-outer vision.

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I don't know...I need to read more

When I read the blurb, I thought "why?".
The plot sounds unrealistic, mostly for a thriller/sci-fi.
I read it anyway because I am curious about anything that involves supernatural. Grammar and punctuation are set unruled, in particular on dialogues and mostly absent in descriptions.
Dialogues sound unrealistic. I was aware for the all reading-time "ok. This is fiction." A book should be able to hook the reader and let him/her forget that the world is reading about is "real".
Don't know, I didn't enjoy it, and nonetheless, I'd like to read more to see if it has potential.

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I'm curious to read other chapters

I like the beginning. It hooked me, and I am curious to read more. The writing style is readable, and so punctuation and the dialogues. Maybe rewriting helped to have an enjoyable story that I can read without distractions.

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Good but needs commas

Time-travelling vampire? I thought I heard all about them. However, I have to say that the story flows well. I read a lot of chapters without noticing the hour (and now it's the dead of the night :P).
Nice if you want to spend easy hours, with free mind.

And now, critics :P

Few refusal mistakes should be correct to avoid distraction for readers (i.e. dots are three/dialogues formatting). I'd cut brackets infos or rewrite them because I like to know the character during the story in a natural way. But most of all commas are missing. Comma help the reader to breathe.
Good writing
Bianca

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Good but needs editing

Despite I don't like "But" at the beginning of sentences or blurb, I have to say that the story is interesting.
A few commas would help the reader to breath and it can work. Same thing for paragraph formatting.
A second read will get the story more readable and hooking.
Keep going on writing!
Bianca

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Excerpt not bad

The story so far interested me enough to wish to continue reading.
I found few mistakes in punctuation and grammar but a good editing and polishing should get the story more enjoyable.
I read it's an excerpt but I'd be curious to read the all story. that's why I gave only three stars to the plot, I can't figure it all out, I'm still missing few things.
Good reading :)
Bianca

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