aleida

//Australia

Reader. Writer. I want to take these into my dream of being an Author. PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com.au/TheHungarianRabbit/

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Intriguing.

I like it. At the beginning, the writer portrays such a perfect sense of freedom, or nature. As has been said, I too could 'smell' the jungle. Our writer did a brilliant job with descriptions in the first part.

Sometimes, one word is overused in a single paragraph - e.g. 'connect/ing' about connecting with the earth. Try some synonyms.

To be honest, I felt let down when the whole thing about the connection with the earth came up. It was shaping up to be a good read, but, I don't know, I feel that it just doesn't quite fit into the storyline.

Also, try and give us some description about the place she wakes up in. Yes, she might be tied up on the floor and yes, she might not be able to focus through the headache, but SOMETHING at least. Is it light or dark? What is the ground like? What sounds are around her? Try describing with all 5 senses.

Other than these, I like the way your story is going. It looks like you researched a bit into archery, just by the words you have chosen to explain it. This is a very helpful site I found when doing some research on archery myself: http://inkandquills.com/2015/06/19/what-writers-need-to-know-about-archery/

I hope this helps!

-Adie

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Interesting, captivating

Hi Elynor,

I like your work. It is captivating and has just the right amount of mystery to make it compelling. One suggestion, though, is that it starts off slowly, so it is easy to put it down without thinking too much about it. I suggest you have something a little more of a bang, so it really makes us want to keep reading!

Second, I like your cover. You have an interesting, unique name, although perhaps change the font? It put me off in the beginning because I was expecting to read a dreamy, cold, slow novel about a city where it rains a lot. Change the font to something a little more . . . I dunno, 'exciting', because the first impression counts! ; )

Otherwise, I really like your story! Keep up the fantastic work! Would you mind reviewing/voting on my novel?? https://www.inkitt.com/stories/adventure/223223 And thank you for your review on 'Red'!!!

-Adeila

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I love it!

It is a sweet read, reflecting the amazement and even horror when an older siblings marries. It is well told and a beautiful thing. Although I was a little confused at our protagonist's age, it was beautifully told and heart-warming to comprehend.

Keep up the good work!

-Adeila

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I LOVE it!

Interesting and compelling, I am LOVING the way the protagonist is such a witty, brave person, but not cliché-ly. Although this could use some work grammar-wise, I highly suggest Neda Anjum's work. Although I don't quite understand the name, I love the way it is short, snappy and to the point. Do yourself a favour! Read Neda's work and please review!

Would you mind reviewing my work? https://www.inkitt.com/stories/adventure/223223

Can't wait to read more,
-Adeilda

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Interesting

Although this story is interesting, it seems like a book after Twilight's own heart (because of the vampire boyfriend . . .)

Otherwise, I like the writers style, and am interested to read more from her!

Here is my story: https://www.inkitt.com/stories/adventure/223223
Would you mind dropping me a review??

Keep writing!
-Adie

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Could be a real jewel if worked on!

Hi J.Rose,

Despite a lot of spelling/grammatical errors in your writing, this was enjoyable. I don't usually read stories like this, but your story was cool.

Keep writing!

-Adeila

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Interesting, captivating

Hi Alexia,
Can't wait to finish this story! From what I read of it, it is well written (and just saying, I love how the chapters are named after the girls!) Although is a little confusing with seven girls, I'm sure I'll get to know them better throughout the story.
Keep writing, can't wait to see where you take this!
-Adeila

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Sunlight (Awesome story!)

I loved it. I was hooked by the first paragraph. It all seemed so real, so wonderful. If this was published, I would buy a copy the day it comes out. I felt a real connection with the characters, and the author had total control over my emotions - I felt it so deeply. I have read this over two days, and I would read it again if I had that much data. Please read this. Do yourself a favour.

I wish my writing was as good as wildgreenskittle's!

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