A Diamond in the Rough. A lot of Rough.
I have high hopes for your story. Magnus seems like a snarky asshole and I love those guys and the setting is rather interesting as well. You get straight to your point in regards to what the story is about and that's really good. Another thing is that these shadow abilites and hunter pets seem like they're going to be a great and integral part of your story. So, in all honesty, I enjoyed your first chapter.
Read the story now
However, as you can tell by the rating, there are a few issues I feel I should bring up.
First off, the three giant paragraphs that compose your chapter should be broken up into several more bite-size versions. This would really help the reader understand who's talking and what's going on in your story. Because to be honest, I didn't immediately catch on to how Magnus escaped or that he was talking to someone to the professor until after reading those parts over a few times.
Another thing that could've been done better was the introduction to information. The reader doesn't need to immediately know what the imperial knights are doing or what they are meant to do, it might've been even better to give little contex at all in the chase of Magnus. This would've built up a curiosity about the characters invovled in the story and what they were planning on doing, hooking more people to come back and read the next chapter. And when introducing information its always great to have the characters in the story wither notice and think it to themselves or just straight up state it. You've left yourself the perfect avenue for charcters to do their exposition of info thanks to the fact that the main character themselves has no idea what's what either. So use it.
My final issue of notice was capitlization, several times Magnus' name was captilized and this made me overlook it several times as just some word that continued the sentence. Captilization of words help them stick and catch the reader's eyes so you should try to utilize it properly.
I hope you find my criticism welcome and can't wait to see another chapter.